#introvert guide

There has been a little bit of a time gap be we have reached the 30 movies watched. We are getting pretty close to halfway so we will do a quick recap of the movies we have watched over the last year or so. Every movie has the title, year, AFI rank, and day that it was watched. This is in order of viewing and not any reflection of ranking: 

As an introvert, I understand how hard it is to make new friends. You may get bored with the old friends, or maybe they annoy you. Whatever the case, your end goal is simple: Make new friends. While it sounds so simplistic and easy to achieve, to an introvert, it may seem impossible. Naturally, we all just wait until someone approaches us, hope they find our awkwardness cute, and wing it from there. This may not always work, however. So here is my advice, based off of what works best for me.

1. Watch people, try to find your target. Who is the person that seems most suitable for you?

2. Try to be around them as much as possible, without being too obvious. This may be exhausting, but bear with it. Hopefully this person will see you around.

3. If they don't try and talk to you anytime soon, try to do the unthinkable: interject yourself in their conversations. Of course, try not to be annoying.

4. BE NATURAL. I cannot stress this enough. Try and be yourself, or you won't be happy in this friendship. Just be the most natural you possible.

5. After that, try to talk to them more. The more you talk and hang out with them, the more likely they will start to feel closer to you. Trust me, I know how hard it is to talk with strangers, but it's good practice for the future.

Hey guys! Sorry it's been a while since I made a text post, but I've just finished my first year of college (I live in the UK btw) so I'm ready for summer and have plenty of time on my hands to write posts or you guys.

Recently I went to a party at one of my friends' houses and for the first time in my life, I think I actually enjoyed it. 

I am a total introvert and I have always hated parties; I find them really difficult as they make me anxious and I don't really drink alcohol and I've never touched any drugs in my life.

Back when I was finishing secondary school, I went to parties and felt so intimidated and out of place. People would always make fun of me because I was never drunk like anyone else and I often left early. The whole situation just made me uncomfortable and embarrassed that I wasn't like the other teenagers around me. I would often ask myself: 'why can't I just drink? Why can't I get drunk and not be worried I'll have a panic attack?'.

However, the party I attended recently has given me a bit of faith that I may actually be able to go to parties and ENJOY THEM (holy shit, finally!) as something has clicked within me and I think I've finally found what I need to be able to enjoy myself and feel comfortable when in that situation.

So, here is my advice to you:

Friends: Good friends are key to feeling comfortable at a party, even if it's just one close friend who will make you feel a little bit more at ease, make sure they are there with you. Surround yourself with people who you know will respect your decision if you choose not to drink or people who will look after you and check up on you if you do.

Music: Having a choice in the music that is played may help you as it will give you something to concentrate on and listen out for. If you are feeling a bit anxious you can go loose yourself in the music. Maybe ask the host if you can add some stuff to the playlist or hijack the speakers if you can!

Locate safe spaces: Find the places that appear to be more quiet where you can escape to if you start to feel uneasy. This could be a garden, a spare bathroom a quite living room etc.

Food: Bring money to order a pizza or locate the buffet! If you enjoy food help yourself to the snacks!

Stand up for what you believe in: If you don't want to drink, you don't have to! If you don't want to smoke, you don't have to! Don't let anybody force you into doing something if you're not 100% comfortable with it, even if they call you a pussy or whatever, just  answer with, 'It's my choice, I don't care', or 'I'm just not interested'

Lucky charms: Keep something with you at all times that comforts you, I like to make sure I always have my phone in my hand, so I can just browse through memes if I don't like the people I'm around! You could also just wear a favourite bracelet or shirt and this will help to make you feel a bit more comfortable.

Move around: If you start to feel alone, move around! Who else can you find to talk to? Where did your friends go? Follow them or track them down and try to make conversation, even if it's just small talk with one person, it will help! If the other people around you are intimidating, locate the quite kids! There will always be some other kids around who are a little shy or not as active at the party as others are, maybe sit with them or try to start a conversation.

Someone on standby: Make sure that somebody you trust knows that you are at the party, and keep in check with them throughout the night, let them know what you're up to and if you're okay. If things start to freak you out and you need to escape ask them for help. It's also a good idea to take some spare money with you to the party in case you need to get a taxi/bus/train home if you need to leave.

I hope these tips were useful for you, let me know if any of you put them in to practice and tell me if they helped!

Stay Safe guys,

I started this Tumblr page as a guide to a movie project that I was doing back in 2014 for people who wanted to follow along. I was having anxiety issues and couldn’t sleep at night. I needed something to look forward to each night to pull me through. The love of films has kept me from harming myself on some occasions, but they have also sent me into a depression on other occasions.

To continue enjoying movies and not harm myself, I have learned to experience movies on many levels to fit my moods and my interest. I have an INTJ personality type so I can become very analytical and remove myself from the emotion of outside stimulus relatively easily. I am also a psychologist that works in the education field so removing myself has become very handy when dealing with a panicky or frustrated child. One of my parents, who also types as INTJ, was a judge and needed to remove herself from situations emotionally so that she could look at things objectively.

Both my mom and I have used this forced objectivity when watching films so that we can make our movie experience fit our mood but still recognize aspects that would be good or bad for others. We would like to share our vast experience with others by watching films and discussing them on a range of levels (did I enjoy, would I enjoy in a different mood, was the movie technically good, would others enjoy, what is interesting, what is bad, what is boring). She is a fan of dramas and dislikes comedies while am a fan of comedy and am not that impressed with drama. Together, we bring a spectrum of likes and dislikes that would be good for many others.

We learned of our generalizable analytical skill from the reoccurring experience of a room shutting up and asking questions when my mom and I were in a group environment and began talking about movies. Neither she nor I are loud people and we find that the environment will quiet down for us when we talk about movies because it is a flow of good information. 

My mom watches all of the Academy award nominees each year (besides dozens of others) while I watch 100s of movies each year while trying to find something good to cover my insomnia. Between the two of us, we have seen tens of thousands of movies over the years. We have also both taken film courses in college and watched movie reviews over the years. We also have a ridiculous memory for details that seems to be genetic.

Friendship is a beautiful part of life, but for introverts, it can be a tricky balance between socializing and maintaining personal space. Introverts tend to recharge in solitude, and sometimes, traditional forms of friendship can feel draining. The good news is that you can still form meaningful friendships that honor your need for space and quiet moments. Here’s how to cultivate relationships…

One of the things we introverts wish to say the most is “leave me alone”. While most introverts will probably never actually tell someone to go away, there are ways of making them go away, without being rude. Now, I’ve met some introverts who will say anything, they don’t care about being polite; if that’s you, then I suppose this doesn’t apply to you. Here are some of my favorite ways of being left alone.

-Bring a book or cell phone. Preferably a book. One of the biggest disclaimers to the average social-person is: “This person took the time to bring a book here, which probably makes them nerdy and weird.” This sounds like an angel coming down from heaven, to me! Now, if by some random chance someone sees you reading and wants to have a fulfilling conversation about your book, that may be someone who is worth your time.

-Find another introvert-friend. While yes, this may be a bit counter-intuitive, trust me, sticking with your introvert friend is one of the best tactics. They will typically understand and feel the same way as you, probably not even want to talk. Hardly no one will approach two people sitting by each other, not talking. It’s just awkward.

-Work on something that no one understands. Okay, this one can be difficult to do, but it works well. Because lately I’ve been working on programming and learning Japanese, I bring my learning material with me. Hopefully no one will approach me, and If they do, just ask them to help! Usually they will say something like: “Uh, I know nothing about that...” and hopefully go away.

Any one who has ever been in school can tell you the extreme discomfort of presenting a project in front of your class. It’s hard to show everyone a project that you probably didn’t try your hardest on... and while they say to “imagine everyone in their underwear”, that hardly ever works. I’m not sure about anyone else, but I happen to suffer from social anxiety, therefore I try to make myself as unmemorable as possible. I’ve got a project coming up where I have to present a slideshow in front of my class, and I’ve been debating the best tactics to survive it. So here are some of the tactics I’ve found best fitting.

-Don’t go first, don’t go last. It’s easy to wait as long as you can to present, but if you do that your project may be more memorable, especially if you end up embarrassing yourself. Try to go in the middle.

-Watch how other people present. While there may be that one-in-a-million outgoing person in your class, chances are, they are nervous too. Sometimes it’s hard to spot people’s nervous breakdowns as they present, so watch how they handle it. Watch how they move, speak, and gesture. You can try and model how you act based off of them.

-Speak loud enough to be heard, but not too loud. Oh, the dreaded “speak louder, we can’t hear you!” Most introverts understand the pain of being too quiet. When in front of strangers (anyone that I’m not friends with) my normal voice is equivalent to the decibels of a chipmunk’s voice. So I understand the difficulty of speaking louder. But you’ll have to do it at some point, which brings me to my next point.

-Look at a friend. Hopefully, there is at least one person in your class who will kindly support you. One of my most helpful ways to survive presentations are to look for support from a friend. Hopefully they will give me a thumbs-up for some encouragement.

-Try to stay level-headed. This is possibly the hardest one for me. Whenever I go up to present, I usually end up a red, giggling, mess. My piece of advice, is to try to remain as calm as possible, try and remind yourself that frankly, no one cares if your project is lame. They only care if it’s cool.