#intpdiary

I had a hard time letting go of my mental health issues, I was afraid of growing in some sense, because whatever I had then, I believed, was the source of my creativity. As an INTP but also as myself, I usually am a very flexible person and I need change once in a while just like everybody else.  When I wanted to do art for a living, I was afraid of any other activity. I couldn’t think about alternatives. Make a plan. Evaluate myself and my abilities in a more complex way.  Not being able to have an art career, because creating is actually not my strong suit broke my heart. I felt like all my life I’ve been lying to myself. Been blind and stupid. And lemme tell you, feeling stupid is an INTP’s kryptonite. It brought me down for weeks and weeks, as I realized I lacked the persistent need to create art. 

"Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force, and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here. You chose to talk, to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. You are the master of your own universe. And yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt you would be bored senseless by therapy. The same way i’m bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is: it's not an adventure. There’s no way to do it so wrong you might die. It’s just work. And the bottom line is: some people are okay going to work and some people... well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose."

cold humid. Leipzig, Germany. November 2017

neon dusk. Leipzig, Germany. November 2017

mood walk. Leipzig, Germany. November 2017.