#intjxesfp

Congratulations. =) Invite me to your wedding!

Survival tips:

Learn what excuses work best so that you can always opt out of social situations without much of a fuss

Know that you will be on your toes all of the time

Keep an eye on them so that they don’t get into too much trouble =P

Hold tightly to your friends. Couples often lose their companions after marriage, and you will need your N type buddies to stay sane (and just in general, married couples should maintain their friendships)

Certainty of my type: I took the test and came out INTJ, then looked into cognitive functions and decided it fit me well.

Certainty of her type: She also took the test. After knowing her for a while and looking up ESFP functions, I’d have to agree!

I’d like to preface this by saying that neither of us are super healthy examples of our type. I’m autistic and have all the social and empathetic impairments that go along with that, and my ESFP has a few issues due to childhood trauma. That said, we are good for each other and are best friends!

We have known each other since I was 9 and she was 7 (nearly 10 years) but only became friends when i was 13 and got particularly close when I was 15. In all honesty we got close due to the fact that our mutual close friend (she aggressively hates labels but we’re pretty sure she’s ISTP or ISFP; she’s too cagey for us to guess her cognitive functions) was being very mean to us. We’ve both now cut ties with her, and even in that we helped each other: she prevents me from delivering my well-written speech about why ISTP-friend sucks (and getting into a fistfight) and I remind her that ISTP-friend is a soul-sucking monster and even if she forgives her, she shouldn’t be friends with crazy.

We ground each other really well. Our differences complement each other and we always work to put ourself in each others shoes. We are also basically the dream team at Battleblock Theatre. I get us to slow down and work through tricky bits on the regular level, and she’s the one working as she goes along and shouting “GO GO GO GO GO” at me on the timed levels.

We only ever clash when we’re altered by stress, exhaustion, or ungodly amounts of Mountain Dew. When this happens she is bouncing off the walls and tackling me at the waist and I am lying in the fetal position whining and trying to use my phone before she knocks it out of my hands. She also doesn’t believe in aliens (I know what a weirdo omg). But we work past our differences while taking on the best parts of each other’s ideas to improve ourselves, and we really value each other’s friendship. We love and care about each other!

Pros:

You two are going to admire each other a lot. ESFP’s dominant function is Se, which is something INTJ is extremely weak at. Likewise, ESFP’s inferior function is Ni, which INTJ has mastered. ESFP will teach INTJ how to live in the moment, while INTJ will teach ESFP to slow down and plan (which will get them out of a lot of sticky situations!). If both parties are mature, they can even help each other out when under stress, and teach each other how to partake in their inferior function in a healthy way– OR make the situation worse (which I’ll address later)

A mature ESFP with a well developed tertiary function (Te) will be the best bet for INTJ. ESFP will be able to back up their feelings with objective facts, which the INTJ will appreciate. Even if ESFP has an underdeveloped Te, being with an INTJ will improve it in no time. In return, ESFP will help INTJ to become more in touch with their emotions.

An INTJ who needs help with social situations can find a lot of support from ESFP. Other than simply handling social interactions in public situations on behalf of the INTJ, ESFPs can also lead by example and improve INTJ’s social skills. Meanwhile, if ESFP is lacking in book smarts, INTJ will gladly help.

Cons:

When under extreme stress and the inferior function kicks in, they have the opportunity to help each other out– or make things worse. An INTJ caught in an Se loop may act irresponsibly– overeating, taking risks, drugs, and other sensations. ESFP may see this and think “Awesome dude!” and join in, encouraging their behavior despite the fact that they need a lot of help. ESFP may even prefer them this way. Likewise, a stressed ESFP with an overactive Ni may obsessively think of negative future implications, and the INTJ may think “Thank god, they’re actually planning for once”.

As always, there’s the introversion vs extroversion obstacle. ESFP will need to understand that INTJ will need their space, and INTJ needs to realize that ESFP needs more stimulation in order to be happy. INTJ will need to be careful about not hurting ESFP’s feelings when telling them that they want to be alone sometimes.

This pair can either hate each other on sight due to the extreme differences (”INTJ never wants to just enjoy life, they’re always in their head too much” or “ESFP just goes and does things without thinking, it drives me crazy!”), or they will become extremely attracted to each other due to the other one being good at what they lack– they will impress each other. However, the attraction may be purely aspirational. “Wow, that person is really good at the thing I can’t do. I want to become more like that person” is very different from “Wow I feel deep love and respect for this person, and I feel that we can be compatible long-term.” There IS a possibility that there can be both. But sometimes the aspirational desire can be confused with love, and the two struggle to make the relationship work far past it’s expiration date. In general, dealing with the dom equivalent of your inferior function can just be exhausting and infuriating for both parties.