#interrogation tag

Kris raps the bars.

KING: We have NOTHING to talk about.

RALSEI: Um, actually, Mr. King… we do have something to talk about. You see, Lancer—

SUSIE: Shut up. Let me do the talking.

RALSEI: Um… but I was thinking we could try a more, um, diplomatic approach? ….Kris, why don’t you decide?

KRIS: …

RALSEI: Kris?

SUSIE: You good, dude?

KRIS: Uh. Let Susie do the talking.

RALSEI: Okay, Kris. If that’s what you think is best, then… tell him, Susie!

SUSIE: Yeah. I will. Hey. King Loser. You still care about your son? Well, here’s your chance to prove it. He’s missing, and some grey guy said it was ’cause of you.

KING: I know not of which you speak.

RALSEI: You… don’t?

KING: No.

SUSIE: Heh. Liar. Owe it to Lancer not to hurt you and all, but… you’re really pissing me off, you know? He could be anywhere right now, probably alone, lost and confused, and you—you won’t even—hell, do you even care about him at all?!

KING: Watch your tone, Lightner!

SUSIE: No, YOU watch your goddamn tone! You know, I’m so #%&ing sick of you! It’s not like you can just hand Lancer off to Queen just because he’s just not your problem anymore! You really want to have a son? Better start acting like it! I mean, he won’t even talk about you! And you go and tell me to watch my tone? I get I’m not the greatest friend ever, but at least I’m there for him! I wouldn’t ever abandon him just ’cause he’s not who I want him to be! He’s my friend! And if something happened to him, I—I know I wouldn’t just sit sulking in some stupid hamster cage. I’d go out there and GET HIM THE HELL BACK. You got a problem with that? Huh? DO YOU?

RALSEI: Susie… are you okay?

SUSIE: Yeah, it’s whatever, I just—I’m gonna ask you one more time. Have. You. Seen. Lancer.

KING: …yes.

SUSIE: …

KING: …

SUSIE: And???

KING: Patience. He came bearing a warning, of a threat on my life, and intending to defend me.

SUSIE: God, you don’t deserve him.

KING: Hah hah hah… it was empty words, girl. He could not have stood his ground, faced with a true threat to me.

SUSIE: …yeah he could’ve. Really could’ve. Trust me.

KING: Hm.

SUSIE: So… you tell him anything after that?

KING: Indeed.

SUSIE: Like???

KING: That he could and should not guard me. Don’t look so surprised—if someone were trying to attack those my son cared about, do you really think it would be safer for him to stay close to them? No. If there was a true threat to my life, the smartest thing would be to stay away.

RALSEI: What happened then?

KING: My son left.

RALSEI: Oh.

SUSIE: He say where he was going?

KING: No.

SUSIE: Well, did he—

KING: I have answered your questions, Lightners. We have nothing more to talk about. Begone.

SUSIE: Argh! Fine! You’d better hope we find him.

The Heroes of Light leave the dungeon.

SUSIE: Man, something about that felt… weird.

RALSEI: What do you mean?

SUSIE: Dunno. Unfinished.

KRIS: Wasn’t telling us something.

SUSIE: Huh? Kris? You think he’s hiding stuff too?

RALSEI: Oh. Why ever would he do that? Hmm. Um… maybe we could try going back and being… politer?

SUSIE: Nah. Let’s just look for Lancer.

RALSEI: Okay!

SUSIE: Hey Ralsei?

RALSEI: Yes, Susie?

SUSIE: You know you can stop writing everything we say down now???

SEAM: Sorry, but could you remind me why I’m here?

LANCER: Oh, that’s easy! We’re interrogating you!

SEAM: …oh?

LANCER: Yeah! We’re finding out who did the vandalism!

SEAM: Ha ha ha… and you think I had something to do with it?

LANCER: To be fair, Kris didn’t think you did, but we wanted to make sure, juuust in case!

Kris gives Seam a thumbs-up.

SEAM: Ha, thanks, Lightner. Well? What do you want from me?

LANCER: Let’s start with where you were when the murders happened!

RALSEI: Murders!?

LANCER: Graffiti, I mean.

SEAM: I was in my little shop, as usual.

LANCER: Hmm. Shop, you say? The Bakery is a shop too! You can buy cookies in the shape of my face there!

SEAM: That so?

LANCER: That’s so! Hmm… suspicious.

RALSEI: It really isn’t.

LANCER: Quiet, kindboy! Mx. Seam, have you anything to say in your defense?

SEAM: Hm? Come on, now, do you really think this old fluff is capable of such a—ha—heinous act?

LANCER: Well, no, not really. This is kind of the first time I’ve seen you out of the shop since we even got here.

SEAM: Good point! But then again, if I was going to vandalize the other shops, I’d be sneaky, no?

LANCER: Aha! So it could have been you!

SEAM: Ha ha ha… perhaps it was! After all, you could say the other shops are my competition.

LANCER: A motive!? Wow!!! You really are a hardened graffiti-ifier! Except, one thing isn’t adding up…

SEAM: Oh? What’s that?

LANCER: When I found Kris after the graffiti incident, they were outside your Seap eating a bagel! They couldn’t have bought it if you weren’t there!

KRIS: I stole it.

RALSEI: Huh?!

SEAM: Hee hee… Did you, now?

SUSIE, from the next room: THEY’RE LYING!

LANCER: Hey! That’s cheating! I can’t interrogate my own dog-in-crimesolving! Okay, Mx. Seam, you’re free to go! Have a complimentary cookie on your way out!

SEAM: Thanks for that. See you again… or not.

(We found the Top Chef inside the Bakery!)

TOPCHEF: Mama miba! Clover’s mother! Have you heard the news?! How awful!!

RALSEI: Oh, yes, the graffiti… the Swatchlings have been working on removing it for hours!

TOPCHEF: The graffiti?! Mon amigo! Why, never! The tragedy here is the removal of such glorious works of art!

LANCER: You’d know all about glorious, wouldn’t you?!

TOPCHEF: I would! Thank you!

LANCER: You’re welcome, Mr. Top Chef! Oh, that reminds me… do you know anything about the murders?

TOPCHEF: Mama miba! What murders?!

RALSEI: Oh my goodness! How many times must I say this?! There! Weren’t! Any! Murders!

SUSIE: Ha ha ha! Dude, I’ve never seen you this mad!

RALSEI: H-huh?! I’m not mad, I’m just… um….

LANCER: Tired of vandals painting your town with evil mustaches?!

RALSEI: (That was not what I was going to say)

TOPCHEF: What?! Why would you say such things about my mustaches?

LANCER: A-ha! You admit it was you!

TOPCHEF: No! I would never do such a heinous thing!

SUSIE: Really? ‘Cause I totally would. Right, Kris?

KRIS: It looked sick!

TOPCHEF: Oh, Clover’s mother, mon amigue! Finally someone recognizes my work!

RALSEI: But you just said you didn’t do it.

TOPCHEF: Yes!! Because I was lying!!

LANCER: Wow! I can’t believe this! Top Chef… why did you do it?

TOPCHEF: I am meant to be a baker! But my Bakery was taken from me by Malius and—

MALIUS: Well, well… we could have shared it.

LANCER: (Hi Malius~)

MALIUS: (Hello.)

TOPCHEF: My Café, taken by that bird!

SUSIE: Heh, like that matters? Swatch kicked Rouxls Kaard out of a café too. You’re not special.

TOPCHEF: And most of all, that young upstart Chef Lancer! I needed to prove mon mustache was much better than his!!

Everyone gasps.

LANCER: Yikes!! That’s crossing a line!! Kris—what should his punishment be?!

KRIS: Buy 400 Lancer Cookies.

LANCER: Yes! For the highest possible price!

TOPCHEF: But I have no money!

LANCER: That’s okay! You’ll pay the price anyway!!

TOPCHEF: Mama miba! What price?!

LANCER: Zero dollars!

TOPCHEF: Oh.

RALSEI: Wahoo! You two solved the mystery! I knew you could do it!

SUSIE: Yeah!! Great job, guys!! …Hey, can I get my cake now?

LANCER: The Dog’s win Again!

Kris and Lancer high five.

LANCER: Kris! Do you want a dog treat?!

LANCER: Okay, Kris, we’d better be careful! This Lamcer is a sneaky fellow!! Huh? There he is now!

A mustachioed boy who looks a lot like Lancer is now sitting on the other side of the table.

LAMCER: Ho ho! Lancer! So we meet again!

LANCER: Yes!! You just couldn’t stay away from a life of crime, could you?

LAMCER: Well, no, that would be boring.

LANCER: Oho! So it was you!

LAMCER: Huh? No it wasn’t! Come on, you have no proof!

LANCER: That’s where you’re wrong, my very handsome nemesis! The graffiti had mustaches in it! You also have a mustache!

LAMCER: Because… it’s not my mustache?

LANCER: Huh? Really? Hey, toothpaste boy! Is that true?

RALSEI: Um, yes… the graffiti mustaches were a different color and shape from Lamcer’s!

LANCER: Wow, really? I guess you really are innocent! But I’ve got my eye on you, Mr. Lamcer! I’ll never let you mustache the world! Huh? Kris! Nooooo!

Kris is wearing a mustache.

RALSEI: Um… I think it looks nice, Kris!

LANCER: No it doesn’t! Don’t fall for his tricks!

Ralsei is wearing a mustache.

LANCER: Uh oh!! Lamcer!! Stop this at once!! And Ralsei, I thought you were better than this!

RALSEI: Oh, I’m sorry, Lancer! I wanted to match with Kris and Lamcer!

LANCER: That’s it! Lamcer, get out of here! And take your mustaches with you!

LAMCER: Aw, fine. But you haven’t seen the last of me! :3P