#internalising

These negative thoughts I think. They're consuming, you know? Cause I can't release them the way I want to.

But I don't want to express them? Because then that makes them true? But they're lies, you know? They're fucking lies.

And even if I feel these things. They're just on the surface of the frustration and anger that bubbles inside me. They're fleeting moments that will evaporate eventually.

I mean, they'll be gone soon. I want to vomit them all over and poison others because the need to be vindictive and manipulative is strong. The want to hurt those that hurt you.

But you're the bigger person? Or maybe that's not the person you want to be?

My point is this. These negative feelings? They'll go away soon. Eventually. By time I wipe my tears and remember the person who I think I am and that person who I want to be.

But the rage? The fury? The anger?

That remains. It never lessens. It only increases. It's just dormant at the end of it all.

   Mia is early to breakfast, arriving well before everyone else. She stifles a yawn as she opens the fridge, retrieving a jug of goats milk that she places on the counter next to a bowl filled with cereal. As she pours the milk her eyes droop a little. She is far too tired today, maybe because she didn’t sleep at all last night and the nightmares aren’t entirely to blame for that this time.

   She stops pouring when a trickling reaches her ears. Eyes open and she groans. Too much milk. A few moments later her mess is cleaned up, milk back in the fridge and Mia is sitting comfortable at the table.