#instead softcups

Immediately upon insertion I knew that I was never using tampons again. Pads, maybe, for those lazy days I don’t feel like sticking my fingers in my vagina; but tampons never again. It slid right in easy peasy and I couldn’t feel it one bit, which was sweet because this was right before I passed out for the night. There was slight leakage this morning, but that was due in large part (okay totally) to me being the worrywart that I am, and taking it out and reinserting it after reading reviews online and convincing myself I didn’t have it in right, when upon reflection I most likely did. But the leakage was only a spot or two and I was wearing red bottoms anyway. The best part though is that you can wear a cup for up to 12 hours, don't have to take it to pee or poo, and there’s no risk for TSS.

Okay, now for those of you who don’t know, I’m gonna explain you a thing about Softcups. They’re awesome, for one. They’re small, flexible blood catchers that you stick up your junk to collect Satan’s sacrificial waterfall. They have a pink plastic rim (made of the same junk that baby bottle nipples are made of I think I read, either way safe to be all up close and personal with your lady bits), and a clear plastic sack attached that acts as the cup bit to catch your blood. Super easy to insert, once you get it right; you just smoosh the edges of the rim together and push it down and back in your vajayjay. Down and back because that way it will sit in the space beneath your cervix to catch your uterus castoff, and the rim will fit up behind your pubic bone. The whole thing will slightly suction to your body and mold to fit your unique special snowflake shape up in there. To take it out you just stick a finger in and hook it under the rim and pull. Don’t twist or pull down though or you’re gonna spill and that’ll be gross. Insert and remove while sitting on the potty with your legs spread, because easy and in case you spill. Empty in the toilet and throw away like you would a pad.