#insomnia content

Being a late fan has its spoilers“perks”. I felt like I knew everything that would happen, but I was wrong so many times, to my joy and my sadness. I knew about Saeran’s “dark” transformation, yet I expected, in a slightly twisted way, to enjoy it. Unfortunately… I wasn’t ready for the onslaught of sheer malice. When I saw the real situation, I thought I’d have to placate my abuser in order to survive. Maybe something clicked, since I hated talking to him, but every day I still longed to see him. In the midst of it, though, the dialogue options lit a small hope that I could save him. Somehow MC spoke jarring truth and warm empathy at the same time. It even seemed, because Saeran’s struggles mirrored my own, that Cheritz spoke the same encouragement to me as well.

Today, on Day 9, I’d received a call from Rika and learned that Saeran had gone missing. He’d been missing for a couple hours by the time I made it home and impatiently pulled up a blanket on the couch.

For a few minutes I argued with Rika, before she left abruptly. Seeing that Saeran Story Mode button I thought Yusss. Give me life. I was so glad Saeran showed up but man… I was not ready for this.

While I’m expecting “knock knock toy, it’s me ya boi” he showed up in my room?? While I’m sleeping in bed?? To just… talk with me??? That’s… adorable as fuck??? His sprite vanished, and the CG appeared. He looked straight at me with piercing eyes, but wasn’t lashing at me. He was looking right at me… in my bedroom in Mint Eye, curled under my blanket, in my 1-bedroom apartment. Standing right next to me.

Then he confirmed my hope!! Saeran was beginning to understand himself. He was changing.

It was so hard to tap the screen after each line. I didn’t want him to stop. Each time he spoke I was getting closer to the end of this moment.

Tap.

Then Saeran starts speaking in terms relative to himself about Ray. The game gives me options like “I’m only waiting for Ray” and for some reason I resent them. Why should I choose to abandon this broken boy in front of me? What about you? Saeran?

Saeran: Even now...it's so difficult to accept myself the way I am. I'm ruined beyond hope. Saeran: But...maybe it is possible for Ray.

Can’t I save you both?? I’ve been trying to save you this whole time. I’ve been trying to save you since the prologue in CS… with Seven in the Secret Ends… in spite of fate in V’s route.

Saeran: You miss Ray, don't you? Saeran: He was named Ray...in hopes that there will be no meaning to his name. Saeran: But you look a little sad every time I say that name.

I’m sobbing. Real tears. I hope the neighbors don’t hear anything…

Saeran: ...And it looks like you need Ray more than me.

It sounds like you’re saying goodbye…

Option: You're right. I need Ray.

No, I won’t leave you behind! I’m going to encourage Saeran with all I have until I can’t any more.

MC: Whoever you are...I hope you stay strong. Saeran: I wonder what your definition of strong is. Saeran: Please tell Ray about it.

Damn it!! Don’t leave!

Tap.

By some miracle, it’s another dialog choice.

Me (slams option): Saeran, wait! Saeran: I didn't want to tell you...that I'm sorry.... Saeran: But I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. Saeran: I hope...both you and Ray...will be happy.

Tap.

- This conversation will be archived in the RFA records. I hereby agree to treat this conversation as confidential. -

- sign -

coffee or tea I’ve got my caffeine dependency down to a system! Three mugs in the morning, with a generous powdering of cocoa in each one. Every few days I alternate one of the two beautiful ceramic mugs handmade by my “work mom” :)

early bird or night owl My natural tendency is to prolong whatever I’m doing until my eyes can’t stay open! However I’ve gone through (very) intentional phases of early rising, and I prefer the way my schedule works out when I manage to wake up early, even though it’s less often by comparison these days.

chocolate or vanilla Dark chocolate is my weakness. My parents conveniently tend to “have some chocolate around” when I visit, and they know exactly which percentage of cacao to pick for me - 85%! :)

spring or fall By the end of winter I’m summer-hangry and spring can hardly arrive quickly enough! I love seeing the unique colors in nature in the midst of springtime as well.

silver or gold Gold, but real gold, and styled minimalistically if we’re talking about fashion. It’s easy to misuse as an accessory, in my opinion

pop or alternative classic and instrumental Lol, this one! I didn’t get into music until I was in college, and by that time I’d been trained to lock onto patterns in music. So if it’s defying tropes and pushing boundaries, it’s my taste, no matter the genre (maybe I’m not answering the preference question correctly then, haha). Some of the genres with my faves are good ol’ alt rock, experimental, minimalist, jazz, and “art pop” (do me a favor and listen to Oh Land)!

freckles or dimples They are both gorgeous!! I can’t answer strictly by preference, but there are more dimply people in my life than freckly people so maybe dimples have given me (quantitatively) the most happiness??

snakes or sharks I found a baby garter snake in the forest behind my house when I was 3 or 4 years old. I made friends with it and carried it with me all day. My dad told me I had to let it go at the end of the day and I cried as it slithered away. It was a good day though!

mountains or fields I grew up in forested and flat areas so mountains feel very exotic to me. I would pick mountains for the way they represent adventure, but if forests was a choice, I would choose forests!

thunder or lightning I love storms!! Even rushing to the storm shelter from tornado warnings when I was little was like an adventure and I always got excited when I heard about huge storms approaching and watched them rush in from the horizon. Ironically witnessing destruction from extreme weather very close at hand has not dampened my love for the experience of magnificent storms.

egyptian or greek mythology I definitely went through this phase! It started with a book on Howard Carter’s expedition, Shakespeare’s Cleopatra or the Prince of Egypt movie, but I’m not sure which!

ivory or scarlet Feu, I’m glad you made the distinction here! Ivory feels more refined as a color to me.

flute or lyre I’m taking this a bit more generally to mean all types of flutes. There are too many wonderful ones to count and I love them all!

opal or diamond I like the clarity and simplicity of diamonds! They also just have this unique vibe among other gems. I dunno. Maybe this is a true preference since it’s mostly based on vaguely defined personal feelings, haha

butterflies or honeybees I had a fascination with Monarch butterflies as a little kid and their life cycle was fascinating to me. There was a prairie nearby with lots of milkweed that attracted the Monarchs and it was fun to chase them with a net and let them go

macaroons or eclair Less messy to eat and there is more variety in flavors. Though maybe I haven’t had enough different eclairs to tell?

typewritten or handwritten I write my best when my medium is most generous! Word choice and communicative accuracy are pretty important to me, moreso than my medium. Usually if I choose to handwrite something, I will also compose it out digitally ahead of picking up the pen.

secret garden or secret library I agree that gardens are best enjoyed by everyone!! I just love the idea of being entirely surrounded by beautiful, complex creatures full of life.

rooftop or balcony I feel like you can do more on a rooftop! It’s also so exhilarating to just be present in such a wide, open space. Like the walls of the room are the horizon and the ceiling is the celestial dome, but just a few people or just one person can inhabit the whole space.

London or Paris From my tiny perspective it seems Paris is a place more different from my experience than London is. I would choose Paris to follow my inclination for adventure.

Vincent Van Gogh or Claude Monet I feel like I need more education to make this decision!! Their works are all so beautiful!!

denim or leather Ralph Lauren made it classy and leather is history. Denim is all kinds of versatile too. How can almost any variety still count as a neutral? What is this power???

potions or spells Potion seller, I’m going into battle, and I need only your strongest potions

ocean or desert The ocean is the alien world I dream of immersing myself in. Walking through the overhead aquarium as a child was practically a religious experience. Last year I learned to swim and now I’m working on my scuba certification because heck, I’m kinda unskilled so freediving the coral reefs would probably be dangerous XD

mermaids or sirens If I could be a mermaid that would be a dream come true. 1) I would be able to breathe underwater 2) I’d be able to sing pretty well. I don’t know too much about sirens, maybe they also can breathe under the water?

masquerade ball or cocktail party Never been! Also it sounds like classy fun, and a different flavor of classy fun than I’ve experienced at a cocktail party. I would love the opportunity to put together a formal outfit with a really unique element, communicate a theme and make all the pieces work cohesively.

Day 701:10 9 + 1 (text) = 1002:3009:3210:4012:2713:3614:5816:12 4Branch

119 - failed to clear BRE 1 119 + 4 = 123 - failed to clear BRE 1 123 + 9 = 132 - failed to clear BRE 1 132 + 1 (text) + 7 = 140 - failed to clear BRE 1 133 + 16 = 149 - failed to clear BRE 1 (autogen backup, day 7) 149 + 7 = 156 - cleared BRE 1 (save slot 4)

VN 7 (compulsory)17:0620:58VN 6 (compulsory)22:24

So the exact cutoff number is no less than 150 hearts and no more than 156 (did not collect any BE hearts). Later I’ll redo the branch again with exactly 1 more heart from the autogen save >:) just because it’s so satisfying to achieve precision like that lololol

Someone wrote that 150 was the baseline to pass Seven’s day 7 but I think I still didn’t get BRE2 with like 154 my first try. I was like lol the margin can’t be just 4 hearts hahaha. Maybe that person had some bad-ending hearts in their total? I’m not sure how BE hearts affect BRE determination… well I picked good ending only hearts the first time so maybe that’s why? like BREs are only based on the number of GE hearts? It’s been a couple months hahah and I erased my notes 😅 I’ll do it again and keep count for you!! 😄