#inside the shell(about)

Scrooge defaults to topping with women because he feels that it’s his role as a man to do so, though over time he’ll learn that he quite enjoys being pegged. With men he wants to top because he wants to feel in control of the situation, to feel more secure in not being ill-used and that he can quite literally pull out if he wants. As he gets more comfortable in his relationship with Jacob, he’ll let Jacob ride him and dominate him in other ways, but that vulnerability requires an awful lot of trust. He sees women as less objectively threatening, and can get to that state sooner with woman partners.

Scrooge is one step away from a never-nude, honestly. He wouldn’t even be naked to shower if he could get away with it. The first few times that he and Jacob fucked, Scrooge only lowered his trousers enough to get his cock out comfortably. His resistance to nudity is certainly the result of his trauma, which has to some degree also become his insistence on cleanliness. To be naked is to be exposed, literally and figuratively–vulnerable. Leaving oneself open to any insidious contamination that chose to befoul you. As he gets more comfortable in his relationship, however, he’s willing to undress further. It helps that Jacob is so absurdly laid back about such matters-he’s noticed that when he’s at home with Jacob, Jacob chooses to be naked whenever the mood suits him.

Scrooge doesn’t have much experience in the matter, so he appreciates someone who is willing to take charge. That’s been the deciding factor with both of his long-term sexual partners, honestly. The fact that they were willing to make the first move is the reason that he ended up in a relationship with them in the first place. Being comfortable enough to be vulnerable with the person is also a necessity because of his trauma, so he is unlikely to seek a sexual relationship with someone that he’s not already in a close relationship with. In terms of physical attraction, he finds a bit of softness appealing, as well as expressive eyes and features. If you can charm him, that’s half the battle.

In truth, Jacob has taken him to brothels and molly-houses where the patrons were expected to give a false name in order to protect their privacy. Perhaps someone might still recognize you by sight but well, if they revealed your secret to others outside of these spaces, they would be compromising their own situation as well. Scrooge always felt rather silly trying to think of something else he ought to call himself, since he'd had no say in naming himself the first time around, but he understood the necessity of doing so and made his best attempt.

When he met Jacob, however, he was nearing the end of his teens and while by this point he had decided that the idea of God and what was ‘sinful’ no longer concerned him, a good deal of that shame was still present, as was the confusion. Was he misinterpreting Jacob’s intentions? Was this just wishful thinking on his part? Or was he being predatory, taking advantage of Jacob’s vulnerability in their closeness? Fortunately they were able to sort it out, but the purgatory that preceded it verged on torturous.

“That is a rather interesting question,” he mused thoughtfully, “I’d have to think living forever would get awfully tedious after awhile, though it would be interesting to see how the world changes over time. On the other hand, though I find quite a bit of satisfaction in counting, the count-down to one’s death would be rather morbid, stress-inducing, even, as the timeclock counted ever down...but it would make planning one’s affairs much easier. Might even be motivational.”

Both of his ‘first times’ (with Belle and with Jacob) he had to contend with that problem. He was incredibly embarrassed and tried to apologize, feeling extra shame with Jacob because in his mind there was an element of competition given that they were both men and both friends. He doesn’t like the idea of disappointing his partner and he strives towards personal excellence in general, so these instances truly wounded his ego. Belle, true to form, did her best to laugh it off and reassure him, while Jacob tried to be understanding.  

Oh hey, I had a night I had a day I did one million stupid things I said one billion foolish things I'm not okay, I got a baseball bat beside my bed To fight off what's inside my head To fight off what's behind my meds I'm lonely; lost in pain