How to Court an Insect Queen.
Following these very simple steps, you too can captivate your very own monster bug queen.
1. Present her with a gift. Insect Queens usually love flowers, sweets, or other insects (special bonus if it is another queen). If you present a bee queen with honey, it may be taken as an insult. Usually spoken as "your honey is inferior to mine", which could very well get you killed. On the other hand, ant queens take honey as an extreme luxury.
2. Attempt to court her. ( This takes a bit of convincing as she has thousands of drones/ mates to choose from). Don't stoop to idle pratter ,banter, or bribery she will quickly see this as a pathetic attempt and may cause you harm, or even consume you.
3. Don't ever mention insecticide, squishing, squashing, ripping legs off, drowning with the shower head on the massage function, pinning to a board with needles, keeping in a jar, or that time you tried burning a nest with that old lighter you found when you were twelve. It will never end well.
4. Keep her and the hive extremely well fed. Fed buggies are happy ones. (attempt tummy rubs if possible)
5. If your still alive by this time, congratulations! You are well on your way to having your very own bug monster queen. Just be very well aware that it is her choice to keep you in her nest and she may choose to relieve you of that at anytime. Whether for her pleasure, or the colony's benefit. Good Luck!
