I finally came out of my shell. The hardest thing I ever done in my entire life. For years, I was so insecure about opening up to people about my interests cause I thought people would judge me or make fun of me. Even people close to me. My friends. My fucking wife. I was worried my wife would judge my interests and hobbies. Literally my entire life with these thoughts. It makes sense, my own grandmother called me an ugly baby. Multiple times during childhood my parents would tell me to shut up about the stuff I talked about too much. And it fucking worked. And all the bullshit they did to me bled into my psyche for my entire fucking life and rooted this awful fear and self hatred of myself. And it came from them. My own family. I inherited hatred of myself from my family. And they put more of it upon me after I was born. No fucking wonder I'm the way I am. Despite trying to work through it, especially considering there's still more things I don't know about that are potentially wrong with me.
And very recently, like the other day, I finally broke that down, with a lot of help. And I'm ready to share everything. Idc anymore. Fuck judgement, and fuck anybody who don't like it. I'm tired of hiding it all. I just wish I had someome to share it all with.
All I want to do is share my life with you. I miss you. Nobody else ever stood up to my family like you. And nobody else would ever deem me worthy enough to do it again
