#infinitylife

Good food. Good company.

I love it when we end up choosing a good restaurant. Lol, finally had the energy to go out and meet my sisters. Not gonna lie, working from home sometimes makes me crave for human interaction although I am claiming I am an introvert haha.

I honestly did not plan writing again here in this space. But the effect of the iced coffee vanilla of McDo led me here lol.

A lot happened, and funny how I can't recall the details but I can't forget how I felt over the past year. It was miserable. I found myself crying while working, taking a bath, playing, reading, and even attending meetings there's a sudden burst of emotions that I cannot suppress. I felt so lost that I don't have any motivation to get up and face another day.

But if I try to recall a few details here are some: failed relationship, failed the board exams, allowed my work to consume me, toxic workmates, resigned, got rejected by several companies, lost friends along the way, doubted by the most important persons of my life.....

It was tiring. I actually have no idea how to recover from the sorrow and loneliness, how to deal with all of those at once during that time. Playing and sleeping were my only escape. It was tough, but life gets better.

Despite the pain, sorrow and rejections, good things would prevail. I got accepted in a company where peace of mind is not asked but given. The simple statement "I look forward to working with you." reminded me that it will get better. And it did.

And I have never been this content with the kind of life the world has offered me. My heart and my mind are at peace.

I am grateful that I surpassed those survival mode days. Today, I am most grateful for: the comfort my current job is giving me, my hard working parents, my understanding friends. It is true that during your dark days it is easier to just fuck everything and let everything consume you, however, I came to realize that I am still in control of some other stuff that would help me recover.

Cheers to every decision I made that led me here.

xoxo,

(1) Appreciate.

We tend to overlook things not knowing what was served in front of us is more than enough. It sure is the little things. The little triumphs. The little nods. The shy smiles. When I learned appreciating what's in front of me I slowly felt the genuine happiness and contentment I have been longing all these years.

(2) Acknowledge fear.

Fear keeps life interesting. It is the uncertainties that makes life colorful. Like change, I am sure that fear is also constant. We may hide it in the form of smiles and laughters, fear is just around the corner. The moment I started to acknowledge that I am afraid that's when things got easier for me. The fear of abandonment and failure, or whatever that is, that's ok. That's normal. It's okay to be afraid. But it will never be ok to be trapped in that fear. It will took you sometime, but trust me it's going to be alright.

(3) Be kind to yourself.

idk, I think we kinda miss this point always. Stop being so harsh to yourself. You don't live to anyone's expectations. Trust me when I say two to five years from now what they told you won't even matter but the emotional distressed you caused to yourself because you let them take control of you would bear consequences later. Don't feel guilty when you choose yourself over others. You don't owe anyone. Be kind to yourself, that's ok.