#inevitabilities

we got together in 2018. we tried in september, we knew it was there, but it was too much too soon and I wasnt ready so we backed off and he was so wonderful about it never pushed never questioned me, so that december when we were apart I was ready to try again and so we tried again and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. and the whole time I was in the closet and I was so completely sure that we wouldn't be able to be together after college because I could never come out and my family could never accept me being with a trans person and it fucking killed me, I was in constant fucking excruciating agony 24/7, I was suicidal and miserable and I felt like a goddamn curse on everyone in my life because I knew that he had a right to be happy and I could never give him that and I was so selfish for keeping him to myself for all these years when that was all we could have and it killed me. and something just switched for me during covid lockdown and I decided it would be worth it we would make it work and so we did and holy shit things were just better it was just better I was happy I had hope I had a future for the first time and the coming out situation ended up being a nightmare but it worked out anyway and I came to my own convictions of choosing myself and my love and my happiness over what my family wanted for me and it was so hard and scary but it was so good and even though objectively things in our life were pretty rough it was the happiest i'd ever been because we were together and we were gonna stay together and all those years i'd spent so absolutely sure down to my gut down to my bone marrow that they'd take this from me that I could never keep this that it wasn't for me that I could never keep this, that I had been wrong somehow and i'd gotten past it and now we just have to ride out some tough times and then we'd be to green pastures and blue skies. the future was limitless. we just had to get through some tough times first.