#inenting

Dinsdag 23 februari 1915. Weinig geschut rond Dikkebus. De gezondheidstoestand werd van langs om slechter. Wat het leger aanging dat konden we moeilijk zeggen, we kenden de soldaten natuurlijk niet en bij ziekte werden ze direct naar de hospitalen gevoerd. Vaak nog voor hun ziekte bekend werd bij de burgers. Maar we hoorden dat het er toch veel moesten zijn. Besmet met tyfus, ook veel…

I'm home from a week of exhibiting. My product was chosen as a finalist for the British Inventors’ Project 2016 and our prize was exhibition space at the Gadget Show Live. The show was a great success - people loved my product. I didn't have to do all the work alone; I was joined on one day by a friend, and on two more days by one of our company directors, Peter. (and had some help from my grown up son, but I have to admit - he spent more time looking around the show - sorry William)

It was interesting to watch how Peter inter-reacted with the public. I did presentations of the product, explaining its features; he did the same but he also asked them about themselves. It wouldn't have occurred to me to do that.

Post exhibition, by the time I returned home, I realised I was very tired. I had driven more than 1000 miles and had two long car ferry journeys. My working days had been from 7am till 7pm. I’d also had a day off at the end of the show but decided to spend it looking at potential warehouses to rent and visiting a retailer who wants to stock our product.

I got back home last Tuesday night. Then on Wednesday afternoon my company had a big important meeting about government funding. That required a lot of preparation and was stressful. On Thursday I had a meeting with a new potential investor. We talked for more than an hour. He was clearly a very intelligent man with great business experience. He stated that he “speaks his mind”. I like that because then I can understand properly, but it’s also hard to come to terms with someone’s views on your/your company’s shortcomings. That night I didn't really sleep. I realised I had not slept much at all because I had spent recent nights travelling. So by Friday evening I was very tired. I also felt disconcerted by some of my new colleague’s (potential investor) comments, which appeared to shine a light on some aspects of my company that had been semi-dormant in the recesses of my mind. I couldn't shift the feeling of deep down tiredness in my bones. So last night I thought I’d sleep well. But this is what happened:

- I started falling asleep on the sofa into sudden deep sleeps that felt great

- I went to be and fell asleep quickly

- I woke suddenly in a panic, and couldn't think properly. I rushed to the window and focused all my attention on hanging in there, slowly remembering who I was, where I was,etc.

- I went back to sleep

- I woke suddenly again and once more was on the verge of losing control of my body, my consciousness. I focused all I could on keeping control and making myself aware.

This pattern continued about five more times. the last time it happened my whole body started to go into a tremor.

I’d had enough. I got up, went downstairs and read. After a few hours I went back to bed and got some sleep. This morning my movements are a bit jerky and I have an odd sort of headache. It doesn't hurt but I know it’s there.

I'm wondering - is this a type of seizure? For as long as I can remember I've had episodes where I've lost feeling on part of my body, got flashing lights in front of my eyes and my vision shuts down. These episodes have happened in the daytime, last a few hours and at most a couple of times a year. The worst one landed me in hospital because I completely lost vision and when examined my reflexes were beginning to fail. I had a brain scan and was eventually diagnosed with a type of migraine. But I don’t really ever have headaches.

That was ages ago and as my life has become more stressful I've had lots of occurrences of the sleep/night time pattern I described three paragraphs above. They follow the same sequence - I’ll wake suddenly and feel very frightened. I feel like I'm on the very edge of losing the connection I have with my consciousness. The only thing that helps is to will myself as much as I can to focus, to really concentrate on who I am and where I am. One more thing does help - light. If I stare into any source of light I’ll feel normality coming back over me. 

Is this a type of seizure? I know that being autistic means being more likely to have seizures.

I can’t properly explain how bad the night time thing feels. It feels really, really bad.

Today I've decided that I’ll look after myself a bit better; I’ll eat better, exercise a bit more, be more organised to try and spread out the work load, and stop working after 8pm.

Gisteren moest mijn zoon inentingen krijgen voor ongeveer alle kinderziektes die ik kan bedenken; Difterie, Tetanus, Polio, Bof, Mazelen en Rodehond. Nou dat is toch boffen dat je dat met twee prikjes kunt voorkomen, niet?

Ik snap daarom weinig van tegenstanders van vaccineren, hun argumenten zijn dan ook nooit wetenschappelijk onderbouwd. Zo zijn er natuurlijk een aantal streng protestantse gelovigen die vinden dat alleen God bepaalt of je ziek wordt of niet, maar er wordt ook gedacht aan een verband tussen inentingen en autisme, diatbetes, astma en MS (nooit aangetoond, wel onderzocht). Heerlijk vond ik dan ook deze reactie van een wetenschapper die zich stoort aan mensen die zomaar dingen roepen zonder zich echt te hebben verdiept in het onderwerp en zo paniek zaaien en daarmee ook nog onze kudde-immuniteit (leuk woord) in gevaar brengen.

Gelukkig is de kerk in Leiden geen aanhanger van deze anti-prik ideeën en werden wij juist daar uitgenodigd voor de inentingen. Een dag van te voren heb ik mijn zoon maar even ingelicht wat hem te wachten stond, leuk vond hij het natuurlijk niet. Logisch.

Echter toen we de volgende dag in de rij stonden, zagen we het ene huilende kind na het andere voorbij komen. Er klonk ook een flinke gil vanuit de zaal. Dat was genoeg voor mijn zoon om te besluiten dat hij hier niet zomaar mee akkoord zou gaan, ook alle wel goed onderbouwde argumenten werkten bij hem niet meer.