Husband: ...bible fanart in the religious way or in the fandom way

Me: ...............yes?

Teenager: no, which is it?

Me: and my answer is- yes?

Husband and teen: huh

Me: it's cool though. They're very talented

I love this! Queer definitely feels like home to me too!

-Kiwi 🥝

It’s not annoying at all I promise

Grief is weird. I didn't feel guilt when my grandfather died but it sent me into a very bad mental health state. When my uncle and grandmother died I was still sad but managed to cope better. One thing I have found though is mark anniversaries of the death on your calendar. Because even though it'll be 10 years this October I always consciously forget when my grandfather died but still unconsciously get depressed at the end of Oct because of my Grandfather's death.

Keeping it in the calendar means I can look and go "oh yeah that's why"

But no one can or should be grief ridden and sad 24/7. You are allowed to feel happy sometimes and it's normal and healthy to be so. But yeah grief is weird and makes you feel weird and every death affects you differently depending on your relationship with the deceased

Lastly you're important to and I'm so sorry you're having to go through this and I'm very sorry for your loss

I think I’m used to him not being here because we spent a long time of our lives being separated due to our dad and his fucked up ways of thinking. So my brother wasn’t always around but at least I knew he was there and I had the chance to see him whenever I could. Then I lived with him really closely for two years and while that was an experience of its own, it reminded me of when we were kids and it was just us and our mother. 

We were the three musketeers because it was us against the world but we had each other. 

I guess I’m in that mindset of he’s gone but he’s going to come back or I can go and visit him. It all doesn’t feel real yet and I’m dreading the day that it does because it’s not going to be...good at all. 

I really miss him but we have two anniversaries. The day that he was buried and the his birthday which is a month apart. So he’s going to be remembered because he was loved so so much and it’s not fair but...what can you do?

I took a long break from schooling and spent my twenties learning how to take care of myself and my mental health and now I’m doing my history degree through the OU because I’m ready for education. Being a mature student is nothing to be ashamed of but even if you never do uni you aren’t a failure. And if you accomplish self care and growth then that’s an accomplishment even if it doesn’t meet the standards of others

I frankly don’t even have good mental health or self care because I’ve been focusing on others instead of myself. All of my energy has gone towards my brother that I’ve never even sat down and thought about what I really want to do. And thinking about school gives me anxiety, like I’m not sure if I’m ready but being a mature student in my parents’ eyes is like a bad thing.