#industrialestates

Home to the town-famous West Chirton Accident Repair Centre Limited (a friendly independent bodyshop who have a team of knowledgeable, experienced and professionally trained technicians), this industrial area really excels itself. Placed #2 in a recent survey of 'Things To See in the North East', West Chirton Industrial Esate is a hub of local employment, with almost 15 people working across various businesses. This number is thought to represent more than 60% of the North East's workforce.

This industrial estate is primarily occupied by a mix of light industrial uses and is identified as a Strategic Industrial and Business Location in the Local Development Plan. Plus, it doubles as recreational centre for local children to drink Buckfast, have sex, eat bread-crumbed eggs and shoot skag at the weekends. Great for industry, great for the community!

There used to be a company that made sewing machines on Threxton Industrial Estate, but after 35 years of trading, Lynam & Son's Sewing Machines went into administration after an infestation of earwigs got out of hand, driving easily-irritated owner Lesley Lynam to shoot dead six employees, and then turn the gun on himself.

Many local people report intense rays of light emanating from the units' translucent roofs and local cancer rates are exponentially higher in West Berkshire than anywhere else in the world. Theale Industrial Estate's Operations Director John 'Thealey' McTheale recently told The Theale Gazette that, 'There's absolutely no nefarious government-backed nuclear testing happening here and anyone who says there is is a fucking liar and I'll quite happy step outside with them.'

In 1983, a fire on the estate claimed the lives of 55 black magick occultists who'd been performing satanic rituals in an abandoned lawnmower factory. Locals still celebrate the macabre event to this day with the annual Maidstone Flymo Burning Festival. It's an event well worth attending if you like the smell of burning plastic and happen to accidentally be in that utterly woeful area of the terrible county that is Kent for some reason.

This allocated industrial site, adjacent to J12 of the M65 motorway, saw sporadic small scale development in the 1980's. But since then it's rocketed in size and scale an is now Pendle's most exciting industrial area. Disgraced paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile used to take his mother, 'The Duchess', on long walking holidays around Lomeshaye Industrial Estate, taking in such views as The Rover garage and the Pendle Signs car park. They'd often get a beef paste sarnie from Maureen's Bap Van, which Savile would pay for with a criap £50 note. Presumably while wistfully thinking about gaudy jewellery, small children's bums and having it off with dead people.

Herne Bay Industrial Estate.

Griffin Industrial Estate, Birmingham.