I think I'm falling out of love with k-pop.
I mean, I still love the music and the culture, and I still adore the idols who have inspired me, made me laugh, made me fall in love.
I just don't have the same passion or drive anymore.
A lot of life has been happening recently. My friends and I have decided we want to move out together, and not just out of our parents houses, but into the world. We want to move to a whole new part of the country. We want to try and be adults, and get our shit figured out, and get out of this shithole of a city we've always lived in.
I'm finally at the place where I'm becoming an adult.
I wasn't ready to be an adult at the end of high school. I didn't go to university, I stayed home for a year and wrote the end of my book and fell in love with K-pop.
For two and a half years after high school, I went to a community college and took some classes each semester to appease my mom, and I didn't take it seriously at all, because I didn't know what I wanted, or where I was going, or what the future looked like, but now I know.
I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm 21, and I have no idea about my future career. I want to write, and draw, and paint, but I also like animals and working with kids. I want to act, and sing, and I have no idea what I actually want because i know half of those things are long shot wishes. Acting? Artist? Maybe, if I get lucky.
So I'm not thinking of my future career yet. I'm thinking of a change of scenery. I want to move. To do that, I realized I need to finish up my classes at my community college, and save money.
After I finish my classes here, I'll have enough units completed to transfer to a real university when I so choose. After I complete my schooling here, in about a year, I'm going to pick up and move, and establish myself in my new city for a year.
That's two more years I now have to decided who I am, and what career would make me the happiest.
I'm becoming a real adult.
I wasn't ready when I graduated high school, and I wasn't ready a year ago, but now I am. I want to be independent, I want to be an adult.
And spending my time on tumblr isn't going to help me become one.
I'm not saying I'm leaving tumblr, and I'm not saying I'm leaving the k-pop fandom, I'm just making it public that my life has finally begun. I no longer feel stuck and unsure, I feel motivated, and ready to lift off.
I'll still be around, and I'll still post a few things every now and again, but don't expect the same blogging experience as before. If anything, I'll probably be more active on my personal account.
