Jan 10, 2022
Carl: I gave up my old life choices when I let Jesus take the wheel.
Tim: That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice.
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Carl: I gave up my old life choices when I let Jesus take the wheel.
Tim: That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice.
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Reed: I am an expert at identifying birds.
Tim: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?
Reed: Yeah, they're all birds.
Joel, at the hospital: I'm Reed Timmer's emergency contact.
Chris: So you're here to pick him up?
Joel: I'm here to remove myself as his emergency contact.
Joel: You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you?
Reed, handing him a thermos: Milk and sugar.
Joel: Thanks.
Joel: [drinks]
Joel: ...Wait, is this just milk and sugar?
Reed: That's what I said.
Brandon: We don't download films illegally. Because we're honest and hard-working people.
Matt: And we don't know how.
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Joel: Damn, the power went out.
Reed: Don’t worry babe, I got this.
*Reed begins to shake rapidly and illuminates*
Joel: WH-
Reed: I swallowed a flashlight!
Joel: WHY WOULD YOU-
Reed: I mean I get complimented all the time—
Joel: YAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Reed: I do!
Joel: *still laughing*
Josh: Give me one reason why I shouldn’t punch your face in.
Carl: it would be way too rewarding.
Paul: The scheduled walloping time isn’t for another half hour.
Sean: My mom specifically instructed me to have a good day.
Reed: Wounding me emotionally would pay much higher dividends.
Joel: I’d rather just do it myself.
Matt: I’ll open my mouth and swallow your whole arm.
Marcus: My face is full of boiling hot water that will shoot out everywhere if you punch me.
Tim: When you move in to punch me, I’m going to hold a bucket up in front of my face and then your fist will just punch the inside of an empty bucket and you’ll look ridiculous.