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Two types of mentors:
Tiedoll: I heard you were involved in a fight today, Yuu.
Kanda: Yeah, what about it?
Tiedoll: You know violence isn't the answer.
Cross: Did you win?
Allen: It ended in a tie.
Cross: You just didn't try hard enough. You'll ask for a rematch tomorrow and you better fucking win. I bet all of my money on you.
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Lavi: I was stabbed.
Lenalee: By whom?
Lavi: Allen. I wanted to steal a bite from his cake and he just stabbed me with his fork. Look, it's still sticking out of my hand!
Allen: Be glad you got to keep your arm. Some of us aren't so lucky.
Lavi, introducing a new Exorcist to the ways of fighting Akuma: Just hit it until it dies, capeesh?
Newbie: What if it doesn't work?
Lavi: Well, I usually set it on fire, but I've been told I can't solve all my problems by making them go up in flames and it's bad for the enviornment, so...just run, I guess.
Lavi: *groans*
Allen: What's wrong?
Lavi: Timothy possessed me for shit and giggles and it wasn't fun. I feel so violated!
Allen: ...Oh no, what a nightmare! I can't imagine how painful it must be to have someone forcefully take control over your body!
Lavi: ...sorry.
Allen: You're like the wolf in sheep clothing fable come to life.
Nea: What's that supposed to mean-
Allen: Just because you've got a pretty face doesn't mean you're not a bitch.
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Lavi: What's the plan?
Lenalee: End the war and go back home.
Allen: That's a wishlist.
Lavi: Right. Let's be realistic here. If one of us makes it out alive in the end, we'll count it as a win.
Lavi: What do you want to be when you grow up?
Lenalee: Happy.
Allen: That's an option!?
Lavi: Yeah? What's your answer?
Allen: Preferbly alive. Guess I set the bar a little low.
Lavi: Allen~! I've got a question I need to ask ya for research purpose. Top secret Bookman stuff, actually.
Allen: Shoot.
Lavi: When you finally have sex, is that technically a threesome because you share your body with you know who?
Allen: I'll give you ten second to run.
Nea, mentally: Make that five.
Later
Allen: So as the expert, what's your answer?
Cross: Never have sex. You're not allowed to spawn. Either of you.
