Futakuchi: Can you pass the salt?
Shirabu: Can you pass away?
Futakuchi: Too much salt.
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Futakuchi: Can you pass the salt?
Shirabu: Can you pass away?
Futakuchi: Too much salt.

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Nohebi , T-posing in the doorway: Good evening, parental figure.
Oomizu, not even looking up from his coffee: Good morning, problem children
Futakuchi: When have I ever done something irresponsible?
Moniwa: Would you like me to go alphabetically or in chronological order?
Futakuchi: I’m never wrong.
Futakuchi: I thought I was wrong one time.
Futakuchi: But I was wrong.
Futakuchi: Shirabu! We have a problem.
Shirabu: Not now, Futakuchi. I’m busy.
Futakuchi: Kenjirō, do you realize what you did by buying Yahaba a round of ramen just because it’s his birthday today?
Shirabu: With any luck, I kept him from reporting me to the coaches for making our teams do 30 hill sprints because I was in a bad mood.
Futakuchi: Thanks to your little gesture, he actually thinks that the earth is full of people who deep down are filled with kindness and caring!
Shirabu: Well, that’s absurd. People are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling.
Futakuchi: Exactly!

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Futakuchi: Shirabu! We have a problem.
Shirabu: Not now, Futakuchi. I have to find a way to adequately punish my team.
Futakuchi: What are you talking about? That’s what tennis rackets are for.
Mai: Achoo!!
Futakuchi:
Mai: Aren’t you gonna wish me “bless you”?
Futakuchi: Why? I’m here. You’re already blessed.
Mai: *throws clipboard at him*
Futakuchi : I love saying “fuck me” because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.
Aone : Moniwa banned you from swearing.