#incets

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She was 30 years old. A woman who paid her bills, showed up to work, helped her younger sister with college paperwork, and still laughed when her old college roommate sent memes. She looked fine. But inside, she was trapped in something much darker than most people could imagine.

3.

Her compulsion didn’t have a name she liked. She called it “the edge,” because it always brought her right to one—of pain, of guilt, of feeling alive, or maybe wanting to disappear. It began in college after a breakup that shattered her understanding of intimacy. Something inside her snapped, quietly, and never quite reconnected right.

4.

At first, the pain was a relief. A way to ground herself. A strange kind of rebellion against the numbness. But over time, it morphed into something compulsive, cruel. She would use whatever was near—razors, sharp tweezers, even safety pins. It didn’t feel sexual. It felt desperate.

5.

She knew it wasn’t normal. Knew it wasn’t safe. She researched it late at night, heart pounding. The few forums that mentioned it were vague, shrouded in stigma. No one talked openly about genital self-harm. Most people wouldn’t believe her if she tried.

6.

There were days when she could go weeks without it. She’d think she was finally okay, finally out of that spiral. But then something would trigger her—an offhand comment about sex, a memory, a bad date—and it would come back like an itch under her skin. Always whispering: just one more time.

7.

She was terrified someone would find out. Not just because of judgment, but because she didn’t know how to explain it. “I hurt myself where it matters most,” she imagined saying. “Because I hate myself that much.” But who could she even say that to?

8.

Relationships were nearly impossible. The closer someone got, the more exposed she felt. She kept her underwear on during sex. She blamed UTIs for flinching when touched. No one ever asked too much. And when one man finally did—really asked—she ghosted him. The truth was too big to speak.

9.

1:favourite five albums of all time

 strange house and primary colours by the horrors will always b my fav albums and atm the others r velociraptor! by kasabian, lp1 by fka twigs, loveless by mbv lol

6:a song that makes you cry

youre so great by blur

15:a song to sum up this year so far

why wont they talk to me by tame impala lol

 Talk about a film you think is underrated

theres this nifty 1932 movie by tod browning called freaks and it is honestly one of the best "horror" films ive seen. i like it so much because its about circus freaks and their relationships but the movie itself is a very human tale idk. i love the movie a lot it is seriously one of my faves, and im betting all my money that ahs freakshow is gonna have a lot of parallel themes to this film !

What do you think is the worst adaptation of a book

hmm idk

What’s a movie or show you love but often forget about?

lilac - why / how i started following you

you were like one of the first blogs i followed because i really really liked ur url + content TBH

range - my opinion of you now and our status