#imybtarp

        When will this torment end? His answer to that would be  n e v e r, because he had nothing, no one, to ease his suffering anymore. Months ago, just after reuniting with the man he would, and had, give his life too, he lost him again. Not in days, weeks, has he even been able to think his name without something in his mind spitting and sparking, like his mind had an extinguishing flame that refused to finally  d i e. That's all Summers wanted, was for something to just end. The only thing that made him feel was the fear of wondering what he wants to end. Without the whispering, he would never hear his voice, without the excruciating pain in every muscle of his body, he wouldn't feel what it was like to be in his arms again, even if it was just for a  m o m e n t. A moment that felt like seconds, and after that he faintly remembers waking up on life support, but with barely any excuse of a life to save.

        Wasn't once enough? Why.. .why did he have to lose him twice? If he counted the times he dreamed of him, remembering every small moment from their first date to their first time in bed together, would that count as losing Jasper three times? He remembered it all, even if none of it felt real, honestly, nothing felt real anymore. Dreams, night after night he recalled memories of him and his childhood beloved, only distantly able to notice a few things were off. Only when he had woken up did he remember 'It didn't happen like that', and he would once again lie in bed every morning feeling broken and empty. Did Jasper want him to suffer? Did he want him to live like this? Why does he call to Scott every night --s c r e a m i n g ?

        Wasn't once enough? Only this time, something was different, something about this time hurt. When Jasper first..left, he only called to him with gentle whispers, as calm as the lake Jasper was drowning under. What happened after he gave in and went to go be with him again, he doesn't remember, only waking up with this scorching flame in his mind and his mutation rendered useless. After that, everything was a blur, Jasper, joy, pain, love, loss, and finally, he was alone again. Again. How many more times before he finally gives in to this vacancy that his thoughts seem so intent on? All he does is lay in their cold bed and listen to  s i l e n c e. When he's awake he only has to remember him, when he sleeps he has to hear him. Don't make me go to sleep, he once begged Storm, a moment of weakness for the broken leader. I can't take it anymore, Scott had sobbed into the Goddesses arms, pleading for anything to keep Jasper away. How can Scott sleep when all he ever dreams about is his  D E A D  lover calling to him?

        But he isn't dead, remember? Scott didn't want to believe it, because that would mean he would have a chance to lose him again. But, if it is true, if Jasper meant that he was trying to come back from the white room, than he couldn't live on knowing that his soul mate somewhere out there --crying for Scott to come save him. I promise you always, Scott told him, years ago. He promised him, and he's here sniffling alone in his room, and he promised Jasper  a l w a y s. Each dream was a memory his lover weaved from their tattered minds to rebuild what they had lost, their connection. He's seen it, like a small red string tying each other together by their pinkies, fate. Fate sealed them together, even if it took them apart, he still loved him. And damn it, he still promised him always. Jasper told him he was alive, and denial can only do so much to escape that burden, and alcohol. I let you down once, he thought as Scott finally pulled himself out of bed, God damn it Jasper, not again.

        If there is even the tiniest chance that Jasper is still alive, even though he's been missing for months, Scott has to at least try. It didn't matter how to took weeks to figure out where his beloved was, going where he just felt like he should go. That's how he found him the first time, the man can't explain it, he only calls it his gut feeling. But really its a tugging at his broken soul, reaching out for its mate; for completion. He's sure some of the X-Men, at least Logan and Storm, are out on a manhunt for him. No more bed rest, these broken bones are mended, its his mind that needs healing, and only one person can grant him any solace. The same man who put him in this torture in the first place. He may be a dysfunctional mutant, but he was still a capable man, and he would walk through hell and back to make sure Jasper is okay.

        Without a mind reader, getting in on this.. .base of operation was a little tricky. Not having his powers active made it easier to pass security, and taking out a guard to take his position was more simpler than he thought it would be. Some secret place this is if anyone can just walk in and get a job, legally or not. He still felt numb, but slowly that feeling deteriorated the longer he roamed these cold, steel halls. Once the pain was back, fire flaring throughout his mind, he wished to be numb again. How long has he "worked" here? A week? A month? Scott doesn't remember, only that he knew who he was looking for is here. He's looked everywhere, once Scott even crawled through the vents and witnessed a lot of horrific scenes. Once he finds his solace, he'll be calling in a rescue mission. This place needs to be burned to the ground and the earth salted.

        One of the guards invited him to meet the stations pet, whatever that meant, the ex-leader agreed. Something in his stomach churned, and his head pounded, but he carried on without a flinch. An innocent ache compared to what he's suffered. With every step his mind screamed, every muscle in his body protesting him, as if it were warning him that wherever this guards is taking him, its nowhere he wants to be. But, he moved forward, grimacing, his mask slipping when the ache became unbearable. The other doesn't notice, they never do, he has a smug expression and looks excited. What are you showing me? He wanted to ask, but his tongue felt heavy and his throat dry. A door with a pass code lock Scott hasn't seen before comes into view, his knees are wobbling and he feels faint. God, Jasper where are you? Scott wants to leave, and for the first time in years, he's terrified.

     “ Y'look nervous, don't worry,        this beauty'll calm you down.”

        Scott didn't have time to ask what that meant, he didn't even have time to think when the door suddenly opened with a beep and a small hiss of air as the large metal cage opened. In this disgusting small space, that smelled like heavy body odor and sex, was a man Scott has never seen before. A curled up frame, bruised and broken beyond anyone the mutant has ever seen, laid with damnable shackles chaining him to this confined prison cell. His breath caught, and for a moment he wondered if he heart stopped beating. He's never seen this mutant before, he doesn't remember that tone of flesh, the smell, his hair, anything. Scott could only stand there, frozen in place, and focus on the silence that now filled his every thought. Not a whisper, nor a single ache, not even from the bright lights above them. All he could do was stare at this..this man, who he has no idea who he is, but all he can think are just three words.

        Three words that utterly confused and terrified him, that helped him find no solace, but more questions that he isn't sure he wants the answers to..