What can I say, I'm human, I'm dumb, I make mistakes... I will never be able to get things back to the way they were such a short time ago, I know that now... I'm so sorry... I'm numb, just numb now. There is no more feeling, just numbness and emptiness and being just tired of the whole situation, tired of putting on a happy face when all I want to do is cry... I know that I am being tested in EVERY aspect of my life right now and there are a lot of life changes that will happen in the near future... I can't wait for the next few months to pass, for THE TEST to be over... Then with the new year it will be time to just go, to vanish, to start life over, alone again, yet in many ways I have been alone for many years anyway... Its time, no... Its past time...