#important realizations

This weekend, i went on another NJCF retreat in new york. this one was different than the other one i went on, because instead of it being only our chapter, it was with people from all over ny/nj. I was really nervous to go, but my friend and i were in the same track and the same small group, so it was okay. We got to the retreat very late, so after we had small group, we went to register and then basically went to bed. the next morning, we went to morning prayer and then to breakfast. morning prayer was great, we were able to pray for the day, and it got me really excited for the entire day. I even enjoyed breakfast! We had eggs and biscuits and they were actually really good. We then went into small group. Keren, the njcf president/my friend/my ex-ca was also in our track, but she was in a different small group. I was really nervous to start the day, but as we started reading and talking in group, i got really involved, and I ended up having a lot of fun that morning. I started getting really involved in the discussion, and learned so much. We then went to lunch, and lunch that day was a lot of fun. For snack, we had really good cookies :). After lunch, it was break time. We had a 2 and a half hour break, and for that entire time, my friends Julie and Sarah and I stood on a line for a huge swing. We were really nervous, but as we got closer, we realized we couldn’t bail. It was finally our turn, and we were super nervous. We put on the gear and went onto the swing. I was shaking so much because i was so scared. And then we started to go up and up and up. We were very high, and i was very nervous. My friend Julie cut the rope, and i literally felt like we were falling to our death. and then we opened our eyes, and it felt so cool. it was totally worth the two hours of freezing. After that we went back to small group and read some more of the bible and talked more about it. I was super engaged and was having so much fun. After that section, Sarah and I saw Keren and Keren  told me how excited she was that i was so engaged and gave me a hug. hearing that made me more excited to participate. Dinner was gross, but the NJCF staffer was there, and it was nice because we were able to talk to her about our life group at school and why we were having trouble getting people to come. We had a HUGE brownie and it was AMAZING. After dinner, we went back to our track. Even though it was late and we were all tired, we still had a lot of fun, and what Keren had said to me earlier made me more excited to participate. After that, we had worship. It was fun, but being in a room with 500+ people was a little overwhelming and i got overheated and had to sit down for most of it. But during worship i figured a lot of things out, so it was good i was working on something else. We then had chapter time, and it was fun to see everyone because we were all separated into different tracks, and i didn’t get to see everyone at meal time. And then it was our last day. We basically just had a question and answer time in small group, but it was interesting. A the end of the day, we stood on the beach and prayed and took a lot of cute pictures. This weekend was literally perfect in so many ways. I become close with so many people, I learned so much, and i just had such a great weekend away from school. I learned that it’s ok to struggle, it’s ok to have a hard time, because at the end of the day, it makes you stronger. I learned the importance of sharing your story, that your story is important, and it could help people in many different ways. And i learned how to truly work on getting better and being happier. What made me feel even better about everything was the text that Keren sent me last night when i told her we got home saftly. she told me that she was so proud of how engaged and involved i was all weekend, and that i should be really excited for how I'm going to grow, and that i should be encouraged. And I am. i am ready to be happy again, I am ready to get rid of my demons for good, and I am ready to start getting back to who I was. And this weekend was what i needed to remember that, and to start getting back on track. After the retreat in February, i thought i was ready, but now I know I am

i always make fun of how comedy guys look and dress bc they all look exactly the same but like if i was a guy i'd 100% dress like them w/ plaid shirts and denim jackets and have a beard and the same glasses i wear now but also if i was a guy i'd be like 6'4" or 6'5" so everyone would love me for no reason which is p. cool