#imnotstrongenough

Dear my missing old Ammar, to be freaking honest, I feel comfortable with you and I feel like Ive known you since, forever. I fall in love with you with every single scent that you left for me. There was something about you and I knew that there was this undeniable attraction that felt for you. From there till here, it has been wonderful journey and you know what made it wonderful? YOU! with every passing second, I discovered new things and new shades that continued to make me drool and lose myself. 

Love A, I still remember the first time we met. Im not sure if its a date or not but then you said its a date heee 🙈 I ingat lg i nda suruh you sampai imago dulu sbb i ndamau you nampak i dulu sbb i malu 🙈 I was so nervous okay ish 😝 I tunggu you dkt watsons, and you know what sayang, actually kan i saw you coming tapi i betapuk di belakang 😂 acah-acah cari barang hahahaha padahal malu eee 😜 then we met, face to face ahhh i cant believe it hehehe of course first convo "Hi" 😂💛 then we go jalan, and the first thing in my mind was "Cendol"!!!!! Kita share satu ja sbb takut nda habis and siapa ba juga dtg2 imago terus p cari dessert!! 😂😂 Only us 😝💛 mau share 1 sudu tapi hm ndamau nnt awkward 🙃 And then we go jalan2 but since I crave for sushi but then dkt imago tiada sushi so we go surs! &&&& you bought me famous amos!! its a present is it? Hehe to be honest sayang, that was my first time eating famous amos sbb i nda brp suka bau dia but my loved ones gave me so I'll take it, hehe thank you 💛💛💛 Love, your very sight gave me goosebumps. As you came closer and stood right in front of my eyes, everything seemed so majestic. It felt as if the most beautiful dream of my life came true. The man of my dreams was right in front of me. Not a day goes by when your love does not prove me right. I cant describe the way you have touched my soul and stolen my heart. That was the very first time we met, A 😿 Thank you for being such a wonderful soul that you are. Thank you for those three magical words 😞❤ 

But it was different now. Everything has changed. We are not the same anymore. Our conversations and giggles, Our hopes and dreams, and the promises that we made. How could you left so fast and so easily old Ammar? What happened? What made you let go of me?  No matter how hard I try to keep you, you’ll never come back to me. No matter hard I try, you can’t. You just can’t. Its empty and its cold, and I dont know how long its been because you were my time, and you just are not around anymore. I miss you so much.

From day 1 till today, you are still the one for me. I felt like I had known you forever, telling you my secrets and what I didnt want ever. You listened to me. I bet you thought I’d never end. Who would have thought we would become more than just friends. Over a period of time I got to know the real you. A guy so caring and gentle with A heart so true. I told you I’d never leave because of the feelings I have inside. I know you like no one I have ever known, and sometimes I wonder what I’d do if you are gone? So I’ve decided time answers it all. but always remember what I have said, meeting you has changed my life, and I really love you so. The feelings I feel for you I am never letting go. Remember me always and I will to. I always think of me and you. I hope its still you and me, in the end. Baby tau, this is the best for us. Ndapalah, kalau dgn cara ni dpt buat kita dua happy and hubungan kita diberkati, Im okay with it. As long as we are still together. Muah, i love you, still does to this days ♡

Love, knowing that we are still thousands miles apart, hurts me so much. Because whenever I feel like I misses you so much, and I want to meet you, but I cant because you are too far from me. Thank you for letting booshy stay with me because atleast I have something that relates to you. I've never been in this long distance relationship before, Im not used to it, and that might be the reason why I feel so lonely and feel like you are not with me anymore. Love, I hope you are doing fine there. I cant reallly tell you like how much I misses you. I cant even put it into words. You may be not missing me like how I do, but I hope I cross your mind everytime you are feeling sad or even when you are happy. I hope, im still that girl who brighten up your day. Eventho I dont feel special anymore, even if Im not that special to you, I hope it doesnt change your feelings for me. If it does change, I hope you wont be leaving me like what my exes did to me for the past few years. I hope we will be given the chances to talk it through and fix literally everything back into normal like how we used to be. My prayers are with us. I miss you, always, Ammarku 😢

A, if only you know like how much I've missed the old us. I miss everything about us. Our old conversation, our late night talks, our late night phone calls, I miss everything 💔 Not a day goes by without me missing the old us. Been longing for too long now. I dont know if I cant hold on to this kind of relationship. I fake my smiles, I fake my feelings in the social media, showing that we are happy. In fact, we are just different now. I miss the old you actually. Orang yang selalu ada dgn i. Yg selalu cari i. The one who always tell me that he misses me. The one who is so clingy. The one who is protective. The one who will be there for me whenever I need someone to talk to. The one who always have time for me to spend with. The one who cant be away from me for even 2 second because you will miss me right away. The one who will be there for me when Im sick. The one who will spam me if I suddenly seen your chats. The one who will call me right away everytime I merajuk. The one who wont get mad at me, when im ignoring you. The one who always care for me. The one who will keep telling me that he loves me. The good morning and good night wish, The one who will always accompany me till I fall asleep. I miss literally everything. But everything has changed now. I cannot ask for that moment to happen again. Its just not you anymore. I cant lie to myself anymore. I cant feel the happiness anymore. It hurts me alot seeing you are doing just fine without feeling like this. I dont know what went wrong. I cried every night, every night sayang thinking about what happen to the old us. I was confused. Its funny how people might be thinking about us, a happy cute couple, but here we are, not happy at all. And here I am, in pain. The first time you left me, for 11 days, no chats from you, no calls, you seen-ing my chats, Allah ja la tau perasaan I masa tu mcm mana sayang. You tinggalkan i, you nda pernah buat mcm tu dulu. Walaupun you janji you ndakkan tinggalkan i, but you did. Time week 14 tu sayang, week before study week. Disana la presentations, disana la test, quiz, saat2 yg I betul2 perlukan support dari you, warm words dari you like you always did, tapi you tiada. You are just not there for me. Bayangkan lah sayang, macam mana down and jatuh nya I masa tu. Sakit sayang sakit. Mcm mana marah, mcm mana sakit pun hati I you buat, I nda pernah tinggalkan you lebih dari 2 hari. Sbb I rindu. I sayang you sangat. kita jauh, nda berlayan tu, pedih btul. Tapi you mampu kan tinggalkan i lama2 mcm tu? 💔 How could someone do that to his girlfriend? Since then, you nda mcm dulu sudah. You chat mcm mau ndamau. Kejap ada, kejap hilang. Kalau nda contact i satu hari tu mcm perkara biasa sda. Sbb you sudah pernah tinggalkan i kan sayang, so apa la sgt nda contact for 1 day kan? Mcm tu ka? 💔 You reply i chat lambat, kalau boleh 1 jam lepastu baru reply. Dulu nda pernah mcm tu pun sayang. Kalau boleh dulu on time, ndamau ada sesaat pun terbuang. Kenapa mcm tu skrg sayang? You buat I rasa mcm nda berguna, nda penting dlm hidup you, paling teruk sekali, you buat i rasa mcm i bukan girlfriend you lagi. Sampai mcm tu sayang you buat i rasa. Meem ndatau mau buat apa lagi. Meem nda sanggup overthinking setiap malam. Setiap malam meem minta Allah bagi petunjuk. Sbb meem nda kuat. Meem rasa mcm you ada hide something dari meem. Nda pernah tenang fikir psl ni. Converstion kita makin pendek. Meem boleh kira sayang, brp byk kita chat utk 1 hari tu 💔 Itu lagi buat meem rasa lain. I bukan perempuan tu lg ka sayang? Perempuan yg you sayang? Perempuan yg you janji you ndakan tinggalkan tu? Perempuan yg selalu ada dalam doa you? Im in pain my love. Please bring me back to the good old days. Please bring back the old us.