Not sure why I am doing this but here goes nothing. See if anyone really cares. I have been suffering from depression for several weeks now. I put on a smile and act like it's all okay all the time. My boyfriend is the only one that has noticed. So much has happened recently and I blame myself for all of it. I am to a point where I thoroughly hate myself. I swore many years ago that I would help people in abusive situations. At that point I didn't realize what all that entails. Every second of my life recently is just another painful reminder that my decision to report my friend's abusive situation to my school has messed up a portion of his life. I wasn't the only one that reported it but I made them all swear not to say anything. I knew that my friend needed to feel secure in his other friendships. I took all of it on myself. And will continue to hold it there. Every single day I fight with my family over my boyfriend. They don't understand that he is my one line of sanity. I can't lose him. He has seen my highest highs and my lowest lows. He is literally the only person I have ever met that I don't feel insecure with. Yet I'm not allowed to be with him. We have had deaths and major surgeries. We have had financial problems and cancer scares. And we are getting nearer and nearer to graduation..... I know that in three months I am going to lose everything. I am going to lose my entire life when I graduate in three months. And I am terrified. I can't get past it in my head no matter how hard I try. The guilt and the fear and the sadness of everything that has been going on has built up so high that I can't see past it. I can't breath. I can't function. I am drowning in my own mind and there is only one person that has noticed..... I don't know how to make it so I can breath again......
