#imatalossforwords

Thank you so much! I've been tagged in a bunch of these, and I told most people who did already, but I'll say it again:

Everyone who sent this to me/tagged me in this - right back at you!

Basically what I write already - fluff and angst.

family drama

Sometime ago my daughter stopped talking to me.  This isn't abnormal, when she’s mad at me.  She KNOWS this tactic drives me bananas.  While I like to get things out in the open and get over it,  she likes to hold on to it until it festers and then she explodes.  But usually with the same results, were both over it, nobody apologizes, but it seems over.  I know this isn't healthy, but I cannot change anything about her strong will.

This time is very different because her boyfriend is very much involved in it.  He uses the same tactic as her (and is much better at it then she is), but it easy for him to just write people off, because he hasn't had a real family like she has.  He felt disrespected by me, so he has written me off for good.  Of course, over the last few weeks, I seen glimpses of my daughter coming back to me, but would again pull away from me with no warning.  I assume this is because “the boyfriend”, has pulled her back on his side.

I want to go on record saying, I immediately apologized to both my daughter and her boyfriend for the things that I said, I didn't mean them the way they took them.  This apology didn't make a difference to either of them.  And, after I thought about it more, I don’t feel like like I should of apologized in the first place, but that was me trying to keep peace within my family.  Actually, the whole reason this even started was because I was trying to keep peace between my family (the boyfriend and my son).  They had words a month or so before this, and I was about to leave Ohio for good, and I wanted to be sure my son and his sister kept close without me here.  The thing is they were both in the wrong (I can see this clearly, and my son admits he was an asshole, but was still upset with “the boyfriends” actions).  All I wanted was to get them to at the very least talk about their problems, and I actually used the words “You both need to apologize to each other”.  This is how “the boyfriend” feels I disrespected him in his home.  He went bat shit crazy in my face yelling at me for this horrible thing I said. <immediately I was taken back to an earlier time when Rebecca’s father (my ex husband) was yelling at me, and getting ready to hit me>.  It scared the krap out of me.  But worse then that, I was scared for her.  She also endured mental abuse from her father, and I feel like she has got herself in a likewise relationship that isn't very healthy for her.  I know the signs, because I have lived this life.

My current husband, and I have tried very hard to accept this boyfriend into our family, but were always on edge with him, because they are both super sensitive about everything that is said.  We always feel like were walking on eggshells with them both.

Last Saturday, my family met for dinner to see me off, and my daughter chose to ignore invite, and to say hurtful things to my niece that was repeated to me, I reacted by also saying hurtful things about the boyfriend to the same blabber mouth niece, and she repeated them back to my daughter.  The whole way to Georgia, on Sunday, my daughter said horrible things to me, and basically cut me out of her life for good.  I couldn't believe the things she was saying to me.  I know this is her boyfriends influence, but I can’t seem to get them out of my head.  She called me a coward, disrespectful, manipulative, controlling, and said I play mind games.  I am truly heartbroken, and at a loss for words.  I haven't a clue what to do at this point.

Lost without my sunshine.