#imaginarylove

#imaginarylove #❤️ #🌎 #💋 (at Saint Augustine Shores, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/BrN0Rb2llrh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=lzv0gzfzpprc

Clearly you are sort of mourning him more than you would admit. But you also know it is all you. You don’t even miss him as a person. You look at his image and realize it’s not his face you miss. It is the ‘effort’ he put into you. Because actually you have never let anyone else come that close to you. Now all you do is miss him, while you actually miss the state you were in when he was ‘into’ you. And it is to your full knowledge that he completely mistreated you all the time. You were super aware of this fact, but the mystery only made it more exciting. Didn’t it? And now exactly that fact is screwing you up inside. You are not the same anymore and you never will be. Reminiscing that time and wanting to go back isn’t going to help you ever get that back. You are not giving anyone else a chance to make you feel even better than you did. You are holding yourself back from being happy. You can learn from people like your best friend having dreams of being successful. Cause deep inside it is what you want too, but you are letting your emotions or lack of control of your emotions stand in the way of pursuing your dreams. Well actually…. You are letting it stand in the way of putting together your dreams. Pursuing them would be the next step. I know I can do so much more and so much better when I put my mind to something. I know when I really want something I will do ANYTHING to reach that goal. So come on… let it go. Let that strange feeling of missing go and get back up. You know you will never want to be with him, or want him at all. All you want is for him to want you. For him to see the real you and be amazed by that person. Well if you are not amazed by yourself, who will be?

this past weekend was amazing with you even though i wasn't with you a whole lot. you said you missed me and were so caring when i hung out with you and your friends. we flirted like lovers do. you called me cute nicknames and cuddled with me til' we fell asleep. then reality woke us up and we had to part. you have a duty to them before me any day, and i get that, i really do. i hate getting upset over it. it's like i'm a selfish bitch, but i'm really not. we've made plans to go out to all these places, like roadtrips and sunsets. we need to figure this out one way or another. granted, it's only been two months. we're not together but still each other's. i get asked out by these guys and i've been feeling obligated to tell them "no" every fucking time. but now i'm just like "well maybe i should take a chance and just go." i know it bothers you, yet you say you're nobody to tell me what to do. that it's completely up to me. what the hell, then. i'm gonna go out with him. he's coming home from deployment and said that he wants to try "us" out. why not, right? maybe then you'll get the hint that i'm not one that chases, but replaces.