#ilmyril

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

Oh my god it's mutating...... the blorb.......

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

Okay so. Hm. It's a difficult question? Given there isn't exactly some sort of expectation for him to be straight and generally this world is pretty trans-accepting. Main thing here then is gender: it was more of an innate sense. I mean, you grow up genderless and you figure out what feels right for you, fairly simple concept. The unfortunate part was figuring out uh. Ouch. He is definitely not a woman. That doesn't turn out well for him. I mean hey! They're respectful of his identity! That's not the problem. The problem is they're drows.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

...okay that's my bad on the last one YES BABY THERE IS. Being a (half) drow in a noble drow family his gender is extremely relevant. Unfortunately, man! If he'd been a woman life would have been a breeze for him, especially being blessborn (I'll explain that if someone asks but for now just know it's bonus points) he could have been a REAL threat to Keera's station as the older sister. Buuuut nope! Unfortunately he is stuck like that. He couldn't call himself a woman because at this point it would feel viscerally wrong. Conditioning runs deep and he doesn't control what gender he is.

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

Okay so I've actually played out a scenario that hit this. Being called matriarchal titles! The scenario in which it happened was fucking AWFUL mind you but I can pick out titles from the roleplay that were used ("ma'am," "oh great matriarch" (said with sarcasm but still), "m'lady") and oh man. He had to ask himself QUESTIONS after that. Does he feel like he wants to be a woman, or does he just crave the power he's been deprived of his whole life? I mean taking that role made him physically sick, but that was more because he was acting out how his mother would treat him towards another person. Nobody really feels right after acting like their abusive parent. Still. He has to sit and stew about it for a long while because what if the circumstances were different? What if he was a matriarch himself, independent of her? What if he was just a woman? What does it mean beyond the power dynamic he's been stuck in his whole life? I think he'd still settle on being a man but it would give him a fucking crisis.

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

sketch of my dnd warlock guy + side profile under the cut :p

ilmyril doodles and their party

5) What is your PC’s idle animation?

6) What weather does your PC prefer? Why?

37) What flower represents your PC? 

5) What is your PC’s idle animation?

If he's idle he doesn't move much but like video game idle animation sorta thing? Eyes darting side to side, then fixing his glove(s) and smoothing down his robes (and tugging his hood a bit further forward if it's up, which would be the two-glove variant of the animation)

6) What weather does your PC prefer? Why?

CLOUDY!!!!! CLOUDY!!! You grow up in a drow household and fucking EVERYTHING else looks too bright. Sunshine is eye-searing. Fuck that. He has darkvision. Leave him alone.

37) What flower represents your PC? 

COPPER 1: Does your OC believe that they are beautiful? Is their beauty, or lack of beauty, something to which they ever give much consideration?

(For context I gripped and shook my dear friend in private for sending me the asks without prompts. Ily CT you're so silly)

GOLD 4: Does your OC hold that some social groups have an inherent nobility unavailable to others? Do they perhaps believe in the idea of a "ruling class", with qualities that the lower orders could never hope to evince? Or, conversely, do they believe in the unsullied nobility of the poor, in contrast to the decadent and corrupt upper classes?

Neither really? But leaning the latter. Which is interesting, since he grew up as a part of the nobles! Aaand technically he once again is, right now. Well. Okay. He never wasn't well off, but as a man he doesn't have proper access to his family's money. (See context: drow nobles.) Anyway! He does see some inherent bitterness and coldness to nobles, he's been around them and experienced what they're like. Non-nobles just seem... well. Not more carefree, but more themselves? They're not hiding behind so many layers of masks and codes and just... They're just trying to survive. It's simpler. He spent ten years living among them and it was so much less stressful. Granted. That's the autism speaking mostly. ...and the trauma.

SILVER 5: What is something that your OC would find incredibly hard to lie about? Even if they really wanted to do so...

Oh god this is a tough one. He is conditioned to lie well. There is very little he can't lie convincingly about. (Depending on my FUCKING DICE LUCK but that's another matter. In a world where the dice don't exist he generally lies well.) Something he couldn't lie about even if he wanted to though? If someone asked him how he felt about his late spouse. Even if he tried to feign indifference, his front would still waver. Déaglán is a weak spot of his.

COPPER 1: Does your OC believe that they are beautiful? Is their beauty, or lack of beauty, something to which they ever give much consideration?

oc language ask

3, How often does your OC swear? Is it something that punctuates their everday speech? Or is it so unusual to hear them use "bad" language that it would shock those around them?

8, Did your OC's parents or other caregivers use any specific terms of endearment for them as a child? Do (or would) they use similar terms for their own children?

16, Does your OC's body language sometimes give away what they might prefer to conceal? Or are they practiced at ensuring that their physical presentation matches their stated positions?

28, How easy does your OC find it to say "no"? Do they prefer to prevaricate? Is this out of courtesy? Or from a fear of rejection?

47, Does your OC find it easy to talk about sexual activities or bodily parts? Or can they only speak about them using twee euphemisms or obscure slang terms? Or can they not speak about them at all?

Momoents......... were you even awake when you sent this /silly

3, How often does your OC swear? Is it something that punctuates their everday speech? Or is it so unusual to hear them use "bad" language that it would shock those around them?

Only ever for emphasis, usually in extreme emotion. It's not a big gasp moment when he does, but it's not something he does very often. He keeps his composure.

8, Did your OC's parents or other caregivers use any specific terms of endearment for them as a child? Do (or would) they use similar terms for their own children?

Mother does not use terms of endearment. Father calls him "my little dark," in reference to him being touched by the god of dark, which the family worships. Nobody else speaks to Ilmyril all that much. I really don't think the servants and other concubines count as caregivers in this sense. They do not care for him. As far as Ilmyril calling his children any terms of endearment... uh. He's kinda terrified of having children. He does not feel equipped to handle raising anyone. He's self-aware enough to see how fucked up he is in the head.

16, Does your OC's body language sometimes give away what they might prefer to conceal? Or are they practiced at ensuring that their physical presentation matches their stated positions?

Oh honey the body language is part of the conditioning. Maintaining expressions and posture is part of being in a noble drow family, especially in the matriarch's court. If you can't mask in the manor you are FUCKED. Especially non-fems. They are in misery and they CANNOT be obvious about it. Gods forbid in public? He'd best look happy and healthy and like he isn't being mistreated in any way or else it's going to fuck up the family reputation. So the only things that usually get past his mask are when he's flustered. Even then he just falls back on his default response: FREEZE AND DO NOT MAKE ANY SORT OF EXPRESSION AT ALL. He's lowkey really awkward in normal social situations.

28, How easy does your OC find it to say "no"? Do they prefer to prevaricate? Is this out of courtesy? Or from a fear of rejection?

Oh yeah prevarication is his default, it's his middle fucking name. "No" is an ill-used part of his vocabulary unless it's the answer his mother wants to hear. The reason is out of fear, yes, but not of rejection. If he someone does cross his boundaries outside of the manor he has no problem pushing them away. In the manor? Well it had better be the answer they want to hear. Otherwise he'd best just take the pain and carry on with his day.

47, Does your OC find it easy to talk about sexual activities or bodily parts? Or can they only speak about them using twee euphemisms or obscure slang terms? Or can they not speak about them at all?