#illicitaffair

hang up and run to me by mysteriesofloves / @mysteriesofloves

“Keep talking,” she says. “I like your voice.”

“Oh,” he says, then, brighter: “oh. Okay. Well. Ha. That’s funny—not that, that’s not funny, that’s…nice, it’s just funny that I can’t stop talking until you ask me to not stop talking, then I can’t think of anything to say.”

“Would you like a prompt?”

“Sure. Yeah. Give me a prompt, Waldorf.”

“What would you do if you were here?”

His breath over the line is like static. “Um. What?”

i knew you’d come back to me by communitys

“Okay,” Dan says. He looks to the side, to Alessandra and the people bathed in the cold bright glow of the party, and feels so removed from them that his conversation with Blair might as well be happening in a different universe. “Okay. So, you’ve been hung up on me all this time”—he ignores her eye roll, like she doesn’t know what she’s doing—”and you’re divorcing your husband, who you only ever married for practical reasons, and what, exactly, do you want from me?”

or, dan writes a book about his relationship with blair, she shows up at the signing, and no one else is in the room for a while after that

just like in the movies by stapler_stealer / @anevildictatoroftaste

“I have five words for you, Mr Humphrey—,” Blair leans in with both palms laid flat on the counter, a triumphant smirk tugging at the corner of her lips. “—The future…is online streaming.”

“And I have four words for you, Miss Waldorf,” Humphrey replies, with a mocking smile. “Get. The. Fuck. Out!”

Or, Blair Waldorf is a ruthless media executive looking to acquire an indie video rental store, seal that damn deal and score that sweet, sweet promotion.

There’s just one teensy little problem that stands in her way — a stubborn, curly-haired store manager by the name of Dan freaking Humphrey.

returning the favour by thestartofnothing / @mrs-nate-humphrey

After Georgina takes Milo away, Dan isn't expecting is Blair Waldorf at his doorstep with a plan to make him feel better.

He certainly isn't expecting her "plan" to involve having kinky sex, for fun.

somewhere you feel free by lizwas / @terrainofheartfelt

Four years ago, Blair had gotten married and fallen off the face of the earth. Dan had already fallen the year before.

Dan keeps Milo. Blair marries Louis. Years later, she returns to New York, divorced and determined to start a new life, beginning with finishing her degree at Columbia. Also a Columbia student? Single parent Dan Humphrey.

sweet comic valentine by mysteriesofloves / @mysteriesofloves

She hates Dan Humphrey. She really does. Any gut punch of a reaction to seeing him calmly wrangle rowdy children is purely biological.

the kind of opposites who do not attract by stapler_stealer / @anevildictatoroftaste

Blair Waldorf doesn’t like being reminded of Dan Humphrey. But that gap-toothed, curly haired man certainly had a knack for being completely unavoidable.

Firstly, the man was her best friend’s husband.

Secondly, he was a journalist, so she was bombarded by constant reminders of him.

That insufferable social climber was everywhere. She couldn’t even check her phone without scrolling past his selfies with Nate Archibald on her Instagram feed. Talk about the ghost of boyfriends past, haunting her ad infinitum.

In other words, Blair Waldorf doesn’t like being reminded of Dan Humphrey, because it's like being reminded of a life she could have had with him.

the pretentious classical music au that no one asked for series by lizwas / @terrainofheartfelt

Her first gig directing at a summer festival, and she gets stuck with Greenwood Lake’s Benedict Arnold.

this city screams your name by illicitaffair / @eyescllsed

The fact that her first audition with Humphrey was an accident would make great PR for the studio. Blair can see it already: headlines boasting Waldorf and Humphrey: Accidental Match of the Century! An Academy Award winner unknowingly instigating a fight with an up and coming actor that a casting director just happened to see, proving their “undeniable” onscreen chemistry? It was the stuff of legends.

Unfortunately, Blair doesn’t see it that way.

alternatively; dan and blair star in a film. it goes about as well as expected.

the milk and honey extended universe by mysteriesofloves / @mysteriesofloves

She wishes Dan Humphrey had never taken a seat across from her their first week here. She wishes she didn’t have to contemplate the way she feels about him at all.

[or, Yale AU].

write this down by mysteriesofloves / @mysteriesofloves

“I am so going to regret asking, but—what exactly are you getting at, Blair?”

Blair takes a deep breath, sitting up straight, and lets it all come out in a rush: “Come with me to Paris and pretend to be my boyfriend.”

you could call me “babe” for the weekend by pentaghastly / @kendallroynsfw

B. WALDORF, the card says, embossed in silver print, and Dan commits that to memory. He’ll probably never see her again, but even so, B. WALDORF etches a space in his brain ten times larger than any five-foot-two socialite should be able to.

He’s surprisingly okay with that.

(or,

Dan is a bartender and Blair is the obnoxiously rich customer who keeps coming in to see him and it's casual, okay, it definitely doesn't mean she's in love.)

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larry fics:

endgame by brightgolden / @brightgolden

Harry has been told all his life how grateful he should be for being born as a male omega, and how blessed their people were because the heir to the throne would be carried by The King.

What they neglected to tell Harry was what would happen if he failed to become pregnant.

OR

Where omega Crown Prince Harry Styles is trying and failing to get pregnant for four years, but all that is about to change when courtesan alpha Louis Tomlinson comes into the equation.

howls like a beast (you flower, you feast) by indiaalphawhiskey / @indiaalphawhiskey

France, 1754.

Château de Versailles.

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

groupie love by cuckootrooke / @larrydoinglaundry

"Now, Louis is only a human. He'd be lying if he said he has never considered his fans attractive but it's not something that happens regularly. Many of them are a little too young for him to look at and those who aren’t so young are rarely squished at the barricade for him to admire. So, seeing a woman like her right at the front is a rare and remarkable surprise for him.

And God does he want to keep looking at her."

In other words, Louis is a rock star on a world tour and Harry is a regular attendee. They could never work.

kitten’s first client by anonymous

Harry settles on his knees, legs together and hands resting gently on his thighs. He looks up at Louis through his lashes, his eyes big and innocent.

"Please, Sir," he says, in a sweet little voice. "May I have permission to suck your cock?"

~

Harry is a kitten hybrid who just started working in a whorehouse. Louis is his client.

pure, pretty, obedient by anonymous

Louis' hand settles on Harry's hip, making him draw in a sharp breath. No alpha has ever touched him there before.

"Aren't you just a lovely little thing," Louis murmurs. "Gonna be so good for me, aren't you, darling?"

~

It's time for Louis and Harry to consummate their marriage. Harry doesn't know much about what's meant to happen on his wedding night. Lucky for him, his new alpha doesn't seem to mind.

ride my sleigh tonight by kingsofeverything / @kingsofeverything

In exchange for free food and drinks at Liam’s office holiday party, Harry pretends to be his boyfriend.

But this is not that story.

staring at the blank page before you by livelaughlovelarry / @loveislarryislove

“Can I ask you a favour?”

Harry blinked. “Um. Depends?”

“It’s nothing weird,” Louis said quickly. “Well. It’s a little weird.”

“Very illuminating,” Harry deadpanned. He had no idea what Louis was going to ask, but he had a pretty good idea that he was going to say yes regardless. Louis had that effect on people.

Louis chuckled. “It’s just – God, bodies are fucking stupid and I can’t visualize the physicality of this fight scene, so I was wondering if I could. Well. Use your body.”

Or, Louis is trying to write his book, but he sometimes has trouble with deciding how the characters should move. Fortunately, his roommate Harry is willing to help him act scenes out. Unfortunately, the line between acting and reality is getting very blurry. Or maybe that's fortunate too.

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phan fics:

ruby woo by phandomsub