#illfixthis

2009

Hey...

What's going on? It's been a while since I've asked you that question. Before I say anything else, let me tell you how sorry I am. I know it probably feels that I may not always give you the attention you deserve. It might even feel like I speak of you in vain sometimes. I'm sorry...I really am. I will do my best to fix this...to fix you...to fix us. Me and you are gonna get to know each other again...ok? After all, YOU are what keeps me alive, your just as important to my body as the air that I breathe. You give me the ability to wake up every morning...the ability to feel the most important emotion in my life...but...sometimes...just sometimes...that is our biggest problem. For a long time, I guarded you...well...at the time that's what I thought I was doing...but then you started to change. You got weaker instead of stronger...yes...you are what makes me who I am, but I kept you from being who you really were. I just didn't want you to get hurt, not very many people know the real you. I'm sorry...I really am. You deserve to be happy. I've let you go threw so much pain in our lifetime, I pushed you to the side alot of times when I know I should have listened to you all along. I know how much I confuse you, I really don't want to lose you though...I need you. You are so beautiful, you have so much to give and I guess it's fair to say I've been the main abuser. I put you out there in the open leaving you vulnerable to who knows what...I find pieces of you everywhere...it's crazy. But please, believe me this time...I will do my best to put you, or should I say to put us back together again. It's like I'm letting you fall apart...I'm sorry...I really am. The more and more I think about it, I know less and less about you...but like I said...we will get to know each other again. It's just so weird though...we are together every second of the day but yet we are so far apart. How did I let this happen? All these years I let our relationship just fall apart...taking it for granted how you always found a way to put yourself back together again. I never meant to let you go threw that. Sometimes at night, when it's just me and you...nobody else is around...I would think about how different our lives would be if I were just able to keep you first, I mean all those times that I could feel you pounding on my chest trying to reveal yourself, I would continue to be selfish and tell you to just stop...I would tell you to wait...everybody deserves more than one chance...right? Look at you...your getting so cold...I'm sorry...I really am...you have so many bruises, so many cracks, the scars are the worst, no matter what I do now, those marks are always gonna be there. The only thing I can do is try to stop you from going threw anymore than you have to. Do you forgive me? Can I make this better? Please don't give up, I need you, from now on I promise I really will protect you, you're all I have left. I promise you, people won't be able to say I wear you on my sleeve anymore. Me and you will get threw this one together...it's ok...here...let me help you with that...oh my gosh...are you ok? No...no...let me fix it this time...