#ilikethemwings

Me: *intro credits start* This looks like it was made in 2002.

Is this intro supposed to be Lestat?? (It was)

Why is he (Lestat) like this?

Some randome guy:*Southern Drawl* Vampire

Me,about Lestat: *snorts* He would be a rockstar.

I prefer Tom Cruise's Lestat, but he has the emo look now so I guess this is fine. (It was not fine)

He (Lestat) stole this idea from the Theatre Vampires.

Oh, this (the movie) is bad.

Lestat is such a little shit.

Definitely 2002.

Is it Louis??? (It was not. Louis was nowhere to be seen)

Who is Jesse? Is she supposed to be the replacement Claudia?

I reject that?

*Child tries to eat blood tear*  Me: oh.

They're really playing up to the emo demographic, huh?

Ok. I'm confused.

Jesse is...figuring out...what secret organization? What???

Some  Other Random Dude (Turns out this is David):*Southern? Drawl* Jesse.

*David flips through painting after painting of Marius* Me: Marius also likes attention.

Oooh he old

HE MADE LESTAT

WHAT JOURNAL????

Jesse is in danger.

UCK. Bad French again.

The acting is So Bad.

Why does Marius look like Armand but red and with short hair. (He looks nothing like Armand, in reality)

What are these special effects?(terrible)

Lestat*Dying*Also Lestat: *speaks perfectly*

Lestat: "More." Me: Claudia??? Is that you??

Well, now I know where Lestat got all of his drama from for teaching Louis. (It was Marius)

*Lestat monologuing about wanting to be in the light* Me:Oh. Sad boy. He just wants "friends"

He(Lestat) is making a bad decision.

Called it *Lestat has to kill the violin lady*

Lestat is Louis now.

I am 30 minutes in and this is just Not Good

*Secret door opens*Lestat: "Marius?" Me:.... buddy.

Is this about to be the "original" vampire? (It was. Kind of.)

Me:*Sighs* I don't know what I expected.

Lestat: *bites the statue lady and the stone cronch* Me: EW

Of course, they're Egyptian vampires.

OF COURSE DRINKING FROM THE LIVING STATUE MAKES HIM SPECIAL

Jesse: *Finishes reading  the Journal and has Feelings over Lestat* Me: I can relate.

Oh, God. Pigtail buns. (...no context needed)

Jesse: *walking into coven lair* "I had no choice." Me: You definitely do!

She is in DANGEr

*Jesse, getting "hunted" by both men and women vampires* Me: Aaaaand we're back to homoerotic

Quit being a creep Lestat.

*Panicked hissing as Lestat attacks* Me: me too.

Lestat: That was a very good performance." Me: Ope. Well, that's going in the fic.

Lestat, to Marius:"How'd you make it through the 50's in crushed velvet?"Marius: "I slept" me: HA!

Marius: "I made you. I've always known where you are." Me: Yikes.

*throat of other statue ripped out* me: OH

Of course he thinks he can take on the vampire queen 🙄

The Acting is So BAD

Is her (Akasha’s )power belly dancing???

She just ripped out this guys heart and all of these people just look... vaguely concerned

OH HER POWER IS MUCH WORSE.

there they go. setting things on fire again.

Overconfident Lestat is Overconfident.

JESSE keeps putting herself in DANGER

Jesse: "Boo." Lestat:"Boo Back." Me: Oh, please.

Jesse:*literally asking to be turned by Lestat* Me: JESSE

Lestat: Do you trust me? Jesse: Yes. Me:*snorts* That's a mistake.

*Lestat monologues about the beauty and preciousness of mortality* Me: ah

Jesse: *Drags a pin over her Boob, cutting herself. * Me: EW OW NO

*He (Lestat) almost bites her and then doesn't* Me: Louis is that you???

Lestat growls, but it looks he's just yelling, me:"what"

*Get down with the sickness starts playing* WHAT

There is way too much going on.

Me: *quietly* Oh, no, the lip syncing.

JESSE IS IN DANGER AGAIN

This music is Really Emo

*Weird flying vampire fight starts*Me: *a feeling of general confusion and dismay*

Me: I thought this was about that Queen lady- *vampires start bursting into flames* ah, there she is.

WAIT NOW MY BOY IS IN DANGER

*the two fly off into the sky* me: there they go...

OF COURSE LESTAT IS THE QUEEN'S SPECIAL BOY

nails! The nails.

*During a weird rose petal filled bath tub sex scene* Me: Why do they always go for the nipple???

Me: *about the queen*I swear to God if she kills Lestat I'm going to throw something.

??????????? Two plots??????This doesn't make sense. Jesse's mom is a vampire....but it's not her real mom??

And the sun doesn't kill him because........ (They later explain it's because he drank Akasha's blood, which... I mean, I guess?)

Ope. The queen murdered a lot of people.

Lestat: *has feelings for all the dead people.* Me: "Oh.....he's learning."

.....they are going to kill Lestat.

Akasha (the queen) would HATE the Cullens

This is....really only just barely patched together.

Lestat: *Draining Jesse of her blood* Me: he went for the boob again.

I feel like these people are important in the book but I just do not know what is going on at this point.

Lestat is so proud of his new vampire girlfriend.

Is...is that really how they decided to end the movie??