#ijustwrotethis

“What are you doing after graduation?” he asked. “Because I can’t do long distance.”

My heart dropped and a tear slipped down a cheek. That fast. “Are you really breaking up with me in a Waffle House right now?” I replied, sitting in the booth where we had one of our first dates (it was college, okay?).

My bowl of grits lost their taste, my toast akin to cardboard.

As the tears began to fall more steadily and visibly, making their way into an audible sob, he didn’t get the message.

“Don’t worry, there is life after college. Graduating is not the end of the world,” he said, thinking the tears were about the graduation part—not the breakup portion—of that sentence. “Look at me, look at my friends. We’re so happy.” I stared across the sticky table at the boy who I didn’t want to see my future without. He was a full time substitute teacher, played music in three different bands, and lived in a house with four different guys and one working shower. His friends were similar; they didn’t have much, but they were the happiest people I knew.

We didn’t break up that day or that week. But less than 12 hours later, I was sitting next to him at the Waffle House, anxiously smiling into my plate of hash browns covered in cheese.

Despite missing the point, and with the best of intentions, he would be right about that. That there would be a life after graduating—I just wouldn’t be able to see it for a while.

You’re the song I sing, the air I breathe, You’re the reason I live, the only one I see.

I long to see your face every morning light, smiling and loving as if there had been no strife.

Without you I don’t feel alive, just numbness and heartache, waiting to die.

You’re the song I sing, the air I breathe, You’re the reason I live, the only one I see.

But with you I’m vibrant, centered in your arms, and there I know I’m safe and loved, and to me will never come harm.

I beg you please, with all my soul, come home my love, make me whole.

You’re the song I sing, the air I breathe, You’re the reason I live, the only one I see.

I dream each night of those beautiful eyes, wishing we never had said goodbye.

It’s not just one thing, but all of it I miss, from the simplest of things, to the most passionate kiss.

You’re the song I sing, the air I breathe, You’re the reason I live, the only one I see.

I know I say it all the time, but darling, don’t dismiss, I love you more than everything, and that is a promise.

He wanted to hide his broken heart, and he wanted her to be hurting at last.

She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be loved. And he saw that what she needed suited his plans of gore.

And so he went for her, and so she let him in. And so her friends would warn her how much she would lose for what she didn’t need.

But as he kept trying she went blind, she went deaf. And he tried to believe that any feeling was real.

She lost a friend. He lost sense. She regretted it. He regretted as well.

She did wrong, so much she knew. She recovered her eyes, she recovered her ears, but just that plus oceans of thoughts and tears.

He had mistaken, he had lost. He had been hurt, he had hurt. Not who he intended, and that made it worse. The passion for living was fading, and he doubted it had been present at all.

pale blank white, serene and calm

full of trouble and worry.

youll be okay, you always will.

no one will always be there to hold your hand

so in times of sorrow and dismay

your despondence will thin

you are not a baby 

stop whining

i know what its like

but you have to go alone

sometimes you make it through

most the time youll get stuck inside

loose your path

itll be okay

it always will

youre here for a reason, dont you know

we may not understand it

most of us dont respect it

but its principal

dont jump

dont let your socks glide on the wooden floor

while you grasp for air

you have to think

dont think too much

remember everything

be wise

there is a difference between wisdom and knowledge

know that

you are not translucent

you are not fog

your experiences are

thats why they made fog lights

but remember they get cloudy too

just go slow and youll make it through