#ijustneedavent

one day, i'll find someone else. yeah, they wont be you, and no matter how much i'll wish they were you, atleast they'll know what thet have when they have it. thats what is important, that my all will be enough for them. that they'll never take me for granted or act like they dont care when they do. they'll be straight up and never try to hurt me and be there for me when i need them instead of pushing me away. thats about all i have to look forward to now, but i think that might be enough to keep me going everyday since you're gone and ive lost you. but, thats ohkay.

even though i love you more then anything else, even though i went through all of this shit and still stayed, i cant do that anymore. you arent even the one i fell for, you've changed so much it hurts. to think you honestly dont care about any of this or me and that you laugh at it and call it pathetic is so stupid. i never left you when you needed someone, but you'll leave me when im at my breaking point? you really dont see what you've done or what you're losing... but there is no way im going to sit here and go through this anymore. im done and im gone. you know where to reach me when you decide to stop being such an asshole, but i dont know if i'll be there.

im more broken from the second heartbreak then i was fron the first one. im staying alone. fuck feelings, fuck relationships, fuck it all. theres no winning.... ever. atleast not for me.

i honestly dont know what to do... ive done everything. and nothing ever changes. i mean dont you think i deserve a straight up answer? and not just one that has many meanings and leaves me hanging? seriously. but whatever right? maybe you'll realize how much i really mean to you, but i want you to figure it out before im gone. its like you think pushing me away solves anything, well it doesnt. yeah, i just want you and no one else. but i just... i dont know why it matters so much to me. theres plenty of available people out there, but that doesnt change how i feel. and it never will. all i want is an actual answer, not some stupid vague reply. you know?

im always nice to you. ALWAYS. and its because i reallt care about you way too much. but the only time i do this is when im way past my breaking point. which happens every once in a while. and i dont hold back, because i feel like its what you need to hear. even though you hear it from everyone, the fact that i RARELY do it should make it effective. i dont do it to be a bitch either, its just sometimes i cant pretend like im okay with all this bullshit i go through.

im not even sad about this, i already shed the fucking tears. but now? now im just pissed. like you dont even know. please, grow a pear and then you can call me back.