#ihateseinfeld

Name: Tom’s Restaurant, 2880 Broadway Established: 1940s Status: Open! Kid’s meal: Pancakes with vanilla and Oreo ice cream Mom’s meal: Eggs and corned beef hash

I admit, I have complicated feelings about Tom’s. Even though I grew up nearby, it was my family’s last diner of choice, probably because at the time, there were so many other options, plus it was always overrun with Columbia students. But then Suzanne Vega wrote her song (yes, it’s about this Tom’s not the one in Brooklyn), and a few years later its exterior became the Seinfeld diner*. By the ‘90s it was an internationally known destination (it even boasts its own documentary) with long lines at every meal. On the one hand, I think this is awesome, and it’s certainly contributed to helping the spot survive and thrive. But just like I refused to wait to get into clubs like Danceteria and Mars back in the day (that’s what “dating” the bouncers was for), I loathe the thought of standing on line just to get a seat to order eggs and corn beef hash (sadly, as a middle-aged mom, my hookup powers have long since shriveled). But with Manhattan diners an endangered species, Tom’s is pretty much the only Old New York choice in the area these days (though there are a few new old-fashioned eateries, like Deluxe NYC, which aim for the same vibe, only more upscale. Kind of like that whole “luxury bohemian living” paradox Penny Arcade and others have been yelling about for years). This is my long-winded way of saying, I now feel a certain nostalgia for Tom’s, even though I never really went there. So I told the kid (who’s also allergic to waiting) we were going to suffer through standing on line... which was relatively brief since we were happy to sit at the counter. Honestly the counter is always the way to go at these retro gems. Just look at those seats! That awesome, distorted, red-and-white plaid pattern (does that even have a name?) Plus they’re cushy and they spin. My 10-year-old prefers the counter to the booths (my butt doesn’t totally agree but that’s my problem), and the service is always quicker, too. Understandably, Tom’s is steeped in Seinfeld. Everywhere you turn there’s an article or caricature or autographed head shot with some relationship to the iconic sitcom. But it’s also got standard diner decorations of bills from all over the world, and lots and lots of sports memorabilia. The staff is warm but no-nonsense; their goal is to get you out of there, fast, especially at weekend brunch when the line snakes out the door. While no one comes here for the food alone, it was better than I had remembered. Or maybe it’s just nice to get omelets in a greasy spoon that are, in fact, greasy, not to mention the whole egg and not just the whites. Of all the places we’ve visited so far, Tom’s inspired some of my favorite quotes and observations from the kid. Kid’s observations: "What’s Seinfeld?” (Apparently I have taught her well.*) ”It's noisy but not too noisy that my eardrums bust off.” Regarding the “Be nice or leave” sign: “Y wouldn't be allowed in here." (NB: The name of my kid’s class bully has been shortened to the first letter of her name because I’m not a total asshole.) "So this place is popular because of a sitcom?" “The guy at the front is friendly and organized. Those are good skills to have. Because if you're not organized, you probably wouldn't be that friendly.” “The pancake is warm but not so warm that your tongue will burn, and it's also not very sweet. But the ice cream is very sweet and cold but not so cold that you get brain freeze.” “The chef's motto is all about yum!”