#ignoring class

Yeah, I'm in class. Ignoring another lecture. Which is sure to bite me in the ass later, but this has been like, all semester, so how much worse could it get? I finally got in at a counseling office, and I'm actually not feeling all the same stress I was when I really thought I needed it. I guess we'll see what happens? I didn't barely sleep last night, because I slept most all day yesterday. I have a headache forming again, which is fun. My thoughts today center on how much I want other people to show me that they care about me, and in really specific ways that I will always be disappointed at not getting, because I can't ask and who's just gonna know, for example, that I wanted more than four or five people to ask me why I deleted Facebook? And I think I realize that the hardest part of losing the friend I did was that I have to accept that he didn't care about me. Not as a friend, not as a person. He said he did once. One of the last times we hung out before the problems started. I wanted to believe him, and I think part of me did, but really, it was easier all the other years of our friendship when I just always told myself he probably didn't like me that much, that I was just tolerated more than that he actually wanted my company. Even though everyone around the two of us told me we were best friends. I shouldn't have let those thoughts go, maybe we'd still be friends then. But doesn't that sound like such a shitty friendship to say it that way?