#ifyourereadingthis

link to: chapter 3

Funeral

Today is T.C funeral. I'm wearing his favorite black dress of mine. All of the night shift is coming. I'm standing by the front door looking in the mirror. I hear a car honk and I look out. Topher is here to pick me up. He drove Janet's mini-van. Janet is in the passenger seat, Lynn and the twins are in the third row of seats. Drew and Rick are in the middle seats. I climb in next to Drew. The ride to the funeral home was quiet. I get out without saying a word. I head to the funeral director's office to make sure everything is set.

I head straight towards his casket. He is buried in his military uniform. Flowers fill the edges of the room. A giant picture of T.C and the rest of the night shift is sat on a stand next to the coffin.

T.C looks so peaceful. I place a hand on my stomach and use the other to wipe my tears. Gwen stays next to me the entire time. I eventually move over to let other say goodbye. After everyone went through, I went back and said "Oh, T.C you were supposed to come home, so we could finally be a family." I then kiss his forehead and went into the chapel.

Topher goes up and begins to speak "T.C Callahan was my best friend. He is the reason I made it home so many times. He was an amazing doctor, but boy was he stubborn. He wanted things his way or nothing. You either loved the man or hated him. But he was there for his friends no matter what. I loved that man.. Damn you bastard, why you have to go and die on me?"

Topher was in tears when he finished and returned to his seat. Drew, Gwen and the a few more night shift people spoke. Then it was my turn.

"T.C and I had our problems, but I still loved him. Yeah he was stubborn but he was kind and sweet. I knew him as friend, a doctor, and a lover. Soon I will know him as a father, T.C left me with a piece of him, his child. I will always love you T.C. " I finished quickly before I could start to really cry hard. I was starting to feel a little light headed.

Topher rode with me in the herse. He held my hand and we cried together. The preacher said a few words, then everyone placed a flower on the coffin, some of the doctors put in things like scalpels.

I sat and watched as they lowered him in the ground. I jumped each time the guns were fired during the 21 gun salute. They handed me the flag and I nearly lost it. Scott was standing next to me. He started to take me to his car after it was over. I wasn't ready to go and I told him so. I sat for a second and he sat next to me.

"How you holding up?" He asked

"I'm doing my best for the baby" He nodded. We sat for a few minutes. I started to stand up.

Scott's POV.

Jordan stood up, "let's gwoooh"

"Are you alright Jordan?" I gave her a worried look.

link to: chapter 4

Dream

I woke up in a hospital bed, I looked around the room. I saw T.C at the door.

"T.C?"

"Jordan,I'm back, I'm here" He said softly. He held his hand out as if to same come on.

I got out of the hospital bed and followed him. We exited the hospital room and entered this restaurant.

"Remember this place?" T.C asked.

"This is where we had our first date" I told him.

He pulls out a chair at a table. He sits next to me.

"I should have never left you, this is all my fault" he says to me, taking my hand.

"Whats all your fault T.C?" I ask.

"You had a stroke, Jordan, you're in a coma." He says to me. I look at him with fear in my eyes.

"the baby?"

"The baby is fine"

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

"I was going to give this to you when I got back, but" he said, not finishing his sentence. He pulls out a ring box.

Our location changed, the hospital we used to work in. We saw us, when he first asked me out.

Our locations changed again, We were standing in a park. I got dizzy, I was struggling to breathe.

"Hey, sweetheart, hey."

"I'm here, Jordan."

"I'm here."

"It's gonna be okay, sweetheart."

I sat down, my breathing got easier

"There you go, you have a ventilator in, that's why you felt discomfort"

Change scenes again, this time to the photo booth where he first said I love you. We watched our young selves laughing.

We changed scenes to our old apartment , T.C had been back a year and his PTSD was bad. He was telling me that he needed to leave.

Our scenery changed again. We were on the park benches out San Antonio Memorial.

"I'm sorry about everything I put you through back then. I love you so much." He said.

"I don't blame you T.C, I love you too" I said, he kissed me.

He looked up at the sky. Then at me, "I've got to go Jordan, I'm sorry, NEver forget how much I love you and our baby"

He kissed me and everything went black.

"T.C, T.C" I mumbled. I slowly woke up. Gwen and Scott were next to my bed.

"Where's T.C?" I asked. Gwen looked at Scott. He took a deep breath.

"T.C died, don't you remember Jordan?" He asked.

Everything came rushing back to me, I started crying. "Wait the baby?"

link to: Chapter 1

If You’re Reading This

Dear Jordan,

If you're reading this looks like I only got a one way ticket over here. Sure wish I sneak a kiss from you in the elevators one more time. And I wish war was just a game Thad and I played as kids.

I'm laying down my scalpel and hanging up my scrubs. I'm up here with God and Thad and we're all watching over you.

So lay me down next to Thad, and know my soul is where my mother always prayed that it would go. And If you're reading this I'm already home.

If you're reading this, halfway around the world, I won't be there to see the birth of our little baby. I hope they look like you, and I hope they fight like me, and stands up for the innocent and weak.

I'm laying down my scalpel and hanging up my scrubs. Tell Toph that I don't regret following him out here.

If you're reading this there's going to come a day when you'll move on and find someone else and that's ok. Just remember this I'm in a better place where soldiers and doctors live in peace and angels sing Amazing Grace.

If you're reading this, I love you Jordan Alexander.

Loving you as always,

link to: Chapter 2

Pain

"Dear Jordan, If you're reading this looks like I only got a one way ticket over here. Sure wish I sneak a kiss from you in the elevators one more time. " I giggled through my tears, then more started to fall. I heard the door and open. I peaked up and saw Topher walk in. He sat on the bench across from me.

"And I wish war was just a game Thad and I played as kids. I'm laying down my scalpel and hanging up my scrubs. I'm up here with God and Thad and we're all watching over you. " I continued to read. More and more tears fell.

"So lay me down next to Thad, and know my soul is where my mother always prayed that it would go. And If you're reading this I'm already home." I let out a weak breath and wiped my eyes and continued reading.

"If you're reading this, halfway around the world, I won't be there to see the birth of our little baby. I hope they look like you, and I hope they fight like me, and stands up for the innocent and weak." I placed my hand on my stomach and continued to cry.

"I'm laying down my scalpel and hanging up my scrubs. Tell Toph that I don't regret following him out here." I looked up at Topher and let out a breath. I moved next to him.

"If you're reading this there's going to come a day when you'll move on and find someone else and that's ok. Just remember this I'm in a better place where soldiers and doctors live in peace and angels sing Amazing Grace. If you're reading this, I love you Jordan Alexander. Loving you as always, Thomas Charles Callahan" I wiped my face and looked at Topher.

If You’re Reading This 

Finding Out

We are sitting in the locker room before our shift starts. Drew is digging around in his bag and everyone else is keeping busy.

My phone starts ringing, the number is odd. I answer it.

"Hello" I say

"Jordan"

"Topher? Whats wrong?" I suddenly felt a shiver down my spine. Everyone in the locker room looked at me and moved near me.

"It's TC." He said barely without crying. I dropped the phone and started balling, I wrapped myself up in a ball and cried. Drew took the phone from the floor and answered it.

"Hey, Topher, What's going on? What happened?" He said quickly with a lot of concern.

"oh, Oh My Gosh.. yeah, I understand. I'll see you then" he hung up and then sat down next to me and comforted me.

TWO DAYS LATER..

I came to work today out of habit. I walk in the door and Kenny stops me.

"Jordan, You shouldn't be here"

"I know, I just couldn't sit at home missing him"

Just then I saw Topher leaving the locker room with a box of TC's things.

I run towards him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I was going to drop this off at your house" He says pulling a letter from his pocket, " so I thought I would bring his things to you"

"You're the reason he is dead, I can get his things"

"You don't think I don't blame myself already, he was my best friend. The reason I came home the first time."