#ifyouneedmefic

This is a conspiracy to get me to find something I like about my work isnt it???

[ Enji is nothing he thought he was and his entire world is falling apart.

Voicemail from ‘Hotshit’ 11pm monday:

The voice on the other end is slurred and stutters at points with drunken hiccups.

“I’m not lying, I need you to believe me. Please keigo.”

Next voicemail, ‘hotshit’ 1am tuesday morning:

“Okay I-im lying-please. I just-just need you here kei.please kei” There is a loud sniffle and sob that sounds so clear in Hawks ear.

"I’ll be whoever you want m-me to be. Who-whoever you thought I was. Come back?” There is another sob that gets cut short by the message ending.

Fuck. ]

^from "If you need me."

-saturday

By the time his boyfriend is tapping on the balcony door keigo has all his burnable enji merch in a box by the fire place. The rest are like plastic figurines and rubber keychains are in the trash. He's mentally rewritten his apology at least 6 times and it still gets tossed out the window the minute he sees him.

He steps outside with the box and kicks it to a corner as he tugs his boyfriend into a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry."

"You'll pay for it."

His boyfriend still returns the embrace.

"What do you want me to call you?" When he tenses in his arms keigo doesn't let him go. " If you want me to call you touya or if you want me to call you dabi, it's your choice and I can and will respect your identity. I love you."

This is what Dabi had wanted days ago. For keigo to know who he had been. For keigo to respect him and love him anyways. And maybe to get him to get rid of his merch a little bit too.

"Dabi. You couldn't have told me you loved me regardless days ago?" Dabi shoves himself out of keigos arms. "I knew that you would need space. That you looked up to him. I'd prepared for that. I hadn't expected you to call me a liar or end up on the fucking news cheating on me."

"I...I can't excuse my cheating. I don't remember deciding to do that. Not really. I. Dabi I went out drinking because some part of me knew the truth. I didnt want to see it so I closed my eyes and tried to drink the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach away." Keigo reaches for Dabi's hand.

Its selfish to want the comfort of holding his hand right now but he needs it.

"That fucking trash bag was someone I looked to during the worst of my training. I looked at him and thought he tried so hard and never gave up. When the commission had me training until I couldn't even stand. when my parents sold me to them. When I was dragged in sick to training or with a fever or so stressed I pulled out my own feathers some days to try and get out of it. For even one day. I told myself I couldn't give up until he gave up too. I thought that was what a hero was. Trying even when you don't get anywhere" He tugs Dabi over to the small portable fire pit and puts the prized plush in first.

"I had no idea the person I really should have been admiring was right beside me. Preening my wings and hurting. That you were the person who truly never gave up. I never want you to change, especially not for me and if I ever make you feel like that again I give you permission now to burn me alive."

Dabi stares at him incredulously for a few minutes.

He throws a blanket and a peice of wood on top of the plush as he thinks about how he wants to deal with that. He does remember calling keigo. Hates that he called at all much less begged him to come back and told him he would change for him. He even might have actually tried to do it if he hadn't had the leauge watching him the past almost week.

"I wouldn't. No matter what I said I wouldn't change myself for you. Even if I could and even if you had come back. You ever leave me feeling like that again or go to work wasted again and I will torch your ass." He glares at keigo to get the point across.

"You, uh? Noticed that?" Dabi nods and lights the pile finally.

Keigo kicks out chairs for them both and takes Dabi's hand again. There is one more question he has to ask Dabi before he can hope to put the last week behind him.

"I realized something I should have noticed months ago Dabi. I want you to know before I ask that it's okay if I'm wrong but I don't think I am."

Dabi stiffens slightly at the auspicious way keigo is talking but he doesn't let go of keigos hand. His ungloved hand with itty bitty talons dabi has always thought were cute. It took him so long to get keigo to stop wearing them around him. To get him to stop hiding his bird parts in general.

"was I your first?"

"Were you my first what?" Dabi won't look him and has a vice grip on keigos hand. Playing dumb isn't going to work but he can sure as hell try to avoid this conversation.

Keigo gets on his knees in front of Dabi so he can look Dabi in his eyes despite Dabi looking at the ground and trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"Dabi did you give me your virginity and not tell me? Was I your first and I didn't even notice?" Keigo holds the eye contact and waits for the awnser he knows in his sinking gut. He can be patient this one dam time. As patient as he needs to be.

Dabi's eyes are wet and he's really tempted to lie and say no. No he didn't give keigo something his mom always said was special, 'save it because you'll remember your first time for the rest of your life' comes to mind. He hadn't known how to tell keigo he was new to sex. So he hadn't. He'd covered his inexperience with things learned from porn websites and pure false confidence. Questions anonymously asked when he needed more information. He goes to shake his head and nods at the last minute instead. Eyes watering again.

" not a jury in the world would convict you if you burned me alive after all the shit I've put you through dabi." Keigo mutters and stands back up. Dragging dabi back into his arms.

"I'm sorry I've treated you like such shit. I'm going to pay more attention to you and your needs. I want you to tell me if you need something."

Dabi burys his face in keigos neck. Let's himself bask in the promises his boyfriend is making. In the thought of gaining one more person to lean on. Fully lean on this time. Keigo is here for better or worse and both of them know that now.

"I need help killing my sperm donor if your up to it." He mutters. The leauge has already vowed to help him and having keigo there would mean alot.

"Done." Keigo dosnt even heasitate.

The merch is burned through soon and keigo puts the embers out before taking dabi back inside.

He cooks dinner for him using a recipe with step by step video he found online last night.

They shower and he help dabi clean his staples out. They get out and he wraps him in the softest robe he could find. Rubs specialty lotion he picked up yesterday. Specially made for burn scars and sensitive skin. Lathers it on ever inch of skin he can find and massages until dabi is begging him to touch him in another way.

Then he takes dabi apart and loves him the way he should have that first night.

Watches his every reaction so he never thinks about giving this up again. Drunk or not.

Then carrys his exhausted boyfriend back to his nest curls up around him and covers them both with his wings. Whispers I love you again and again against his scarred skin. Peppering in I'm sorrys every few minutes.

Dabi hums and curls even closer into him.

"Love you too kei,I forgive you. Save the I'm sorrys for shig." He sleepily replies before getting the first night of sleep in what feels like forever.

Keigo wishes he could say the thought of meeting shigaraki kept him awake but he was too relived and tired to think much of it.

It took almost a week but they were together again.

-Sunday night.

Why dabi thought when they were in bed together would be a good time to do this he couldnt tell you. Maybe it's because keigo already knows his father was abusive. Maybe its because keigo had been nothing but supportive of him. Maybe it's because he's been wanting to tell keigo his legal name for awhile now. Maybe it's because it had felt safe with keigo half cuddling and half lying on top of him.

"My name is Touya" he blurts it out. Who he used to be just falls out of his mouth like he waited too long to confess it.

"Touya?" Keigo rolls the name around in his mouth. "Like Enji's oldest son?"

Dabi has to fight a smirk. Clever bird. Enji never showed him off so Keigo must have done his research in order to even find out Enji used to have a son named touya. "Exactly. I was his son. Or his first failure as he called me"

Keigo stiffens and rolls off Dabi.

"I've never asked you for your name so theres no reason to lie about it" hes frowning and Dabi stops smirking.

"Enji todoroki is my sperm donor and I'm Touya todoroki." He says it firmly like it dosnt hurt to do so.

"Your lying" Hawks gets up and starts throwing on clothes. " you know how much endeavour-San means to me. Endeavour-San isn't the type to- He wouldn't do-. You know how much I look up to him Dabi. I've never even asked you about who you used to be. This was uncalled for."

Dabi watches Hawks dress and leave from his spot on the bed.

When Hawks is gone , slamming the door on his way out and making him flinch, only then does he let himself cry.

How could he have trusted anyone with this?

Touya was a small 15yr old fighting a grown man with no support system.

Dabi is a adult in his 20's with the most dangerous criminals of Japan as his support system.

He's curled up in the sheets that just moments before Hawks occupied. Crying his eyes out because he feels stupid and small and alone and he might as well be touya again in this moment.

It feels like Enji always wins.

(

-friday dabi.

(Y'all ever seen the sad sushiroll comic? That's what Jin does to Dabi but the version where his friend is madly struggling to escape from the roll)

Dabi wakes up still holding the plush chicken.

Is Hawks going to be worth this?

Yes, but they were fucking so his opinion is skewed and irrelevant.

Getting out of bed feels like a chore but dabi knows better than to stay in bed and get Jin or toga sent in. Toga likes to jump up on his bed and be as annoying as possible. Jin likes to pick him up in his blankets and make him into a burrito then carry him out to the couch like that.

Keigo would stay in bed with him as long as he could before having to leave.

It was almost normal and that was good enough for him.

He goes out and does his regular recruiting. Looking out for a spark of bright red from Hawks wings.

He goes to relax on the couch when he gets home and sees Shigarki has the hero news on again. He steals the other half of the couch and they watch heros make asses out of each other.

Shigaraki starts reaching for the remote to change it when the anchor switches over to Hawks.

"Its fine shig."

The clips end up being from this morning. Hawks is narrowly avoiding crashing into several billboards and he eventually does crash into a glass window.

Shigarki chuckles and then suddenly he looses it. Laughs so hard he actually falls off the couch.

"I'm going to gif that and make it my new gamer icon."

Dabi smirks down at him. "Are you happy he crashed because its genuinely funny or because he was such a jackass to me?"

"Because hes a jackass. Do you want a photo of the moment he hit the glass? I can get you one."

Dabi chuckles at Shigaraki's antics and petty revenge.

His phone starts ringing before he can answer. He looks at the name on screen and freezes. Dabi looks almost desperate when he shoves his phone at Shigaraki.

"Shig I can't, I don't know if I can tell him not to come back. I need you to answer for me. I don't trust my judgement."

Shigaraki answers the phone open and walks into the hallway.

A short while later he comes back and covers speaker with his thumb so keigo cant hear them.

"He wants to talk to you. It's up to you if you want him back I'm confident he wont pull this shit again. He wants you back and was literally begging me to hand the phone to you. Your call Dabi." He hold the phone out.

Dabi takes it and speaks to his boyfriend for the first time in 5 days.

He missed Keigo.

Knows his name flipped Keigo's world upside down.

However the last few days were bullshit.

He owes dabi a goddam explanation.

Shigaraki had finally told Natsou who he was.

Hed been kicked out of his boyfriend's apartment and told not to come back.

Not to come back. He wouldn't. He respected Natsous verdict on the matter and no matter how he looked at it shigaraki couldn't see him fixing this. He had waited to long to be honest and the had been to intimate while he had been telling so many lies. Not a thing was going to change that. Not a short mental breakdown as he thought about being alone forever, not the scratching of his neck he worked so hard to stop and sobbing. When dabi breaks into his room to check on him hes full on sobbing.

"Hey" he shuts the door and sits next to shigaraki who's splayed out on his floor. "Kuroguri called me. I'm assuming you told him?"

Shigaraki sniffled and bit and nodded. "He kicked me out and I dont know what to do without him, he-he said I c-cant come back dabi."

"Do you remember when I told hawks who I was and we broke up?" Dabi softly asks.

Shigaraki turned his head enough to look at dabi in stead of the ceiling. "He was a prick. I stand by that. He was on the news almost every day for a week with a new scandal and you were falling over drunk every night and kept loosing control of your quirk like a asshole"

Dabi nods and lays on the floor next to shigi. He'd been a mess that week. He had finally decided to tell hawks his name was touya. Touya todoroki and all that had gone down in his house.

Hawks had called him a liar and broken up with him on the spot.

Shitty week. Until hawks had called and apologized and they had talked things over a bit more.

"Yeah shitty week. I dont remember most of it except seeing hawks on the news every morning and drinking. You drank with me every night even though you dont like to drink. So I'm here to play smash bro and mario cart and whatever else you can think of watching me fail at. Until natsou calls I'll help you keep your head above the water."

Shigaraki sat up a only a little wobbly. "You really think hes going to call?" He couldn't keep the hope out of his voice.

"Yeah. You and natsou are not as stupid as me and hawks were plus hawks is over there right now talking to him as well. He knows what it's like to be on the other side of this. Natsou is angry. Hes better at dealing with his anger than I am but he still lashes out. If he had given you back your giant hoodie I would have been worried he would have been thought it through then but he didnt. He just yelled."

Shigaraki was in for a long wait. But at least he wasn't alone.

-friday Keigo.

Keigo spends hours on patrol friday morning thinking about his boyfriend and the voicemails he left.

He nearly flies into a billboard and does smack himself into a glass door.

He misses Dabi's jokes about him being a dumb bird.

Does he want to be called dabi? Or touya?

He had his boyfriend who he loves, and he does love him despite how hes acted, calling him and telling him that he would be whoever keigo wanted him to be if he just came back.

He calls in sick to work and hangs up the phone before he can be guilted into going in. He has in the past. When he wasn't dragged in by handlers.

He still locks the door. Even though a handler can't show up and drag him into work or training anymore. Old habits die hard sometimes.

His boyfriend probably flinched when he slammed the door.

The first step to fixing this is a call. It's not nearly enough but it's a start. Provided Dabi/touya picks up.

He picks up his phone and dials 'Hotshit'

It's not Dabi who answers.

Its shigaraki tomura himself.

"Give me one good reason I should give this phone back to Dabi."

Keigo racks his brain for a awnser. For any answer that's going to explain his behavior.

This is someone who considers his boyfriend part of a family he founded.

He would murder anyone who dared to treat tokoyami the way he's treated Dabi/Touya. And tokoyami is just his intern.

"Because I've spent 30 hours thinking almost non-stop about how much I don't ever want to hear my boyfriend sound like he did monday night again." Its true. keigo wants nothing more than to scoop his boyfriend up and show him the care he's been getting since day one.

"I was the one who took his phone out of his hands. I was the one who stayed with him that night and comforted him. Why was I there when you should have been Hawks?" Shigaraki snarls into the phone but despite the very real threat on the other side of the line keigo feels relief.

Dabi/Touya hadn't been alone.

"Thank you for staying with him when I was busy shoving my head so far in the sand the commision should have named me ostrich."

The weak joke does nothing to cover the relief in his voice.

" I was so scared he had been alone and I've spent the last day and a half thinking about how much I love him. No matter what he wants to be called and thinking of how I'm going to spend the rest of our relationship proving to him how much I dont ever want him to change for me. For anyone. Please shigaraki tomura- san, let me speak to my boyfriend."

There is a long pause before a quite "kei" is heard over the phone.

Keigo is not ashamed that he nearly breaks down crying right then and there.

"I'm so so sorry babe. I believe you. I do. I'm sorry. I want to see you and give you as much attention as you've given me, I never even noticed and I want to help you bring that flaming peice of trash to justice if you let me and I'm going to get rid of all my merch-"

Theres a low chuckle on the other end. "Ive wanted to torch that shit since I've met you. It sounds like a date pretty bird. You've got some shit to make up for."

Keigo nods even though his boyfriend can't see it. "I know. I've also got some questions for you if it's okay. Some things I've been thinking about and need to know. some explanations to give. I'm not going to make excuses but I do want to explain myself some."

Dabi/touya gives a quite hum. " we need to do that face to face.Tomorrow pretty bird? Noon?"

Keigo breathes in relief. 5 days and he finally feels like he can breath without a struggle. "Sounds good to me. I love you."

"I love you too keigo. Now get some sleep. I know you've been running yourself ragged." The line clicks and the call ends.

(Many many thanks to @missnowhereteen who helped me decide how to get Hawks back to Keigo and Apologize. Sorry today was so late. I have dabis chapter to do tonight and then tomorrow is the last day! This dam thing deleted itself no less than 3 times then posted itself.)

https://dadzawa-adopt-dabi.tumblr.com/post/189350403309/if-you-need-me

-Thursday Hawks

(Happy Thanksgiving! I'm sorry if your stuck with a crappy family this holiday! Know that I would fist fight your family for the honor of calling you my friend and enjoy some feels!)

Hawks wakes from the couch too early to get up to work and too late to go back to sleep.

He has a missed call on his phone from his PR agent yelling at him about being drunk. He already has a headache from his hangover and doesn't need someone yelling at him to make it worse.

He microwaves a breakfast burrito. Hawks slips on his hero uniform and kicks the plush in the hallway when he walks past it. The costume feels a just as heavy as it always does.

Enji is a abusive peice of shit. He's doesn't know what he would do if he saw him right now. Theres not a whole lot he can do.

He goes to take the phone touya gave him and realizes it's dead so he puts it on the charger. Stares at it like maybe touya will call him after the shit show he's put him through. Fuck he was on the news. Cheating on him.

He thinks about it the entire time hes on patrol. How much more work touya has put into this relationship than he has. How much touya had to trust him to even agree to that first date. He feels like he's going to boil over in self directed rage and guilt everytime he considers that he may very well have taken touya's virginity.

Fuck those scars might not be from touya himself.

Does he even like to be called touya? Or does he prefer dabi? Theres so much keigo doesn't know. He didn't bother to ask.

Work drags by with sidekicks giving their unusually quite boss some concerned glances and paperwork doing nothing to distract him from the guilt plaguing him.

How can he make this up to him?

Is a public apology too much?

Is ripping that flaming sack of garbage off his pedestal a option? Does touya/dabi want help killing him?

Why hasnt he gone public with this? That one he can awnser. Because no one wants to believe that they put this monster in the top hero spot.

He goes home and turns on the phone. Hope's dabi/touya will awnser. Before he can call he sees 2 voicemails and some missed calls from his boyfriend. Hope clenches hard around his heart.

Voicemail from Hotshit 11pm monday:

The voice is slurred and stutters at points with drunken hiccups.

"I'm not lying, I need you to believe me. Please keigo."

Next one

"Okay I-im lying- I jut-just need you here kei. *sniffles and some sobs*

"I'll be whoever you want m-me to be. Who-whoever you thought I was. Come back?"

https://dadzawa-adopt-dabi.tumblr.com/post/189328849364/if-you-need-me

- tuesday hawks.

The last patrol of the day finally ends and hawks just wants to collapse in his nest.

Nest.

Before dabi he called it a bed, he has a bed. A actual bed that he dosnt use but is always where he pretends to get ready in his I Instagram videos. The entire master bedroom is for show.

Dabi was the first person he ever let look at the heap of blankets/pillows shoved into what was intended to be a small home office. Dabi was the first person to ever see it and to call it what it was.

A Nest. His Nest.

This room hold alot of memories for them now.

When dabi grabbed his gloved hand after a similar exhausting shift had left him to tired to avoid it. When tiny talon nails were exposed to him after the glove slipped off. Dabi had asked him what else the hero commission had forced him to hide.

This is where dabi helped him preen his wings. How did he even know how to do that? Keigo had never asked.

Dabi had loved parts of keigo that Hawks had never even excepted.

Last night dosn't make sense.

Their whole relationship has never made sense.

He's too sober and too tired for this shit.

A club hes always wanted to go to is still open. The night passes on in a blur of colorful lights and beautiful people.

People take selfies with him and pay for his drinks. Hes called beautiful and complimented on his 'makeup' at every turn. How did dabi ever know it wasn't makeup? He remembers a few years ago when someone asked for the tutorial on how he did it. He had covered the markings in foundation and redrawn them on in a response video.

He leaves the club feeling sick to his stomach and over stimulated. He gets home in time to shower the glitter and grime off before he leaves for his dawn patrol.

A picture perfect hero. On time as always.

Still drunk with alcohol dilated pupils behind his darkest tinted visor. A sidekick brings him breakfast and he gets half down before the nausea wont let him eat any more.

Why would it be endeavour?

Dabi always said his father was powerful.

Hawks is too busy for this. Hes got a long patrol ahead of him.

https://dadzawa-adopt-dabi.tumblr.com/post/189289217884/if-you-need-me