#ifeeldrained

Today I had a “crucial conversations” with someone that I love. I was scared, I was actually extremely fearful. There were unfinished sentences, interruptions and a lot of tissues. There was confrontation and we had to look at each other, we had to face the ugliness inside of us. We looked reality in the face. We looked at one another. I was scared and even as I'm writing this an hour later my fingers are shaking and I'm asking myself if it was really God. 

God, was it really You? Or was it me? Was it my selfishness? 

I hope it was You... 

Because I’m not smart enough, I’m not wise enough, I’m not strong enough, I'm weak and selfish. 

You are the opposite of all those... 

You are wise, You are fearless, You are powerful, You are selfless, You are smart... 

So I hope it was You, the God that lives inside of me that really talked for me and really expressed how He feels about His precious daughter... 

God, I think that I really missed the whole point... 

To just be love. 

To just love this person for who they were before the confrontation.  

I forgot to ask You, the God of the universe, how it should look and how it should have been. 

I’m sorry that I’ve failed You as a daughter.

I’m sorry that the confrontation is really all about me. 

But it's actually about You and It's supposed to lead to You. You are the answer to the unfinished formula, You are the solution, You are the confrontation, You are the words that come out of my mouth and You are the air that I breathe. You are eternal life.