#idxrmn

friday night in july ; @idxrmn.

he likes drinks like he likes his friday nights: alcoholic.

moon ryujin flourishes under strobe-lights of blue and red reflected by some outdated disco ball. it’s his definition of fun. but tonight is different. tonight his dull green hair (fading, in need of fresh paint) isn’t bobbing to a bass too loud, but in his eyes as he downs his... what, sixth or seventh shot. he doesn’t keep count, doesn’t remember which tipped glass is his or roman’s. but does it matter.

the pub is less frantic, less noisy, less crammed of people. while he suffers without someone handing him attention like it was air to his lungs, ryujin is eerily solace in the dark, dingy atmosphere of a hole-in-wall bar he stumbled in one night. which became many, and he eventually hauled roman’s ass to after schedules for olympus. ryujin figured they both need it. well, at least he does, and that’s all the really matters. (himself.)

roman is good company. someone ryujin considers a friend. out of their group, roman might be the only one. that’s fine. the sole time moon ryujin doesn’t vy for attention is when he’s stuck with just olympus doing whatever it is they’re forced to participate in: the fuckery of idol sports day and the ridiculous safety campaign for drivers because olympus is perfect for that.

whatever gets them paid, though. kaching, kaching.

and hits, articles, comments on naver and pann. maybe twitter if it reaches that extensively. (and it should because it involves him.) all those upvotes, reblogs, likes. the modern age.

laughter bubbles for no apparent reason, and ryujin hiccups. a sign he’s enjoying himself much too much, but the drinks are on the house courtesy of bartender he befriended. this is networking, this is business not rehearsing some speech about the importance or seatbelts the bulk won’t listen nor adhere to

because fans will talk about their visuals more than the message. but that’s not ryujin’s problem.

sunspot – what are some disappointing moments you’ve faced in your recent promotion cycle?

san pulls in a breath, but doesn’t let it out. instead he lets it fill his cheeks, until they’re puffed out. a habit he purposefully constructed to look cute. sometimes he catches himself doing it off camera. it’s obnoxious. but he does it now. maybe she’ll describe it in the article. there are too many to name, really. disappointments. but at least the nice thing about this, about what midas decided what was and wasn’t okay for him to keep about himself was his perfectionist behavior. that was okay. hard working was a plus. being perpetually disappointed and constantly striving toward more was fine. the demons behind those traits? those are hidden. but letting them be known was fine. it makes him look humble, makes him look like he’s never lost his rookie mindset. in reality, it makes him look insane. but they don’t know that.

so he admits the truth. “i think there were a lot of things that disappointed me. during ‘tell me’ promotions, and during ‘danger’, now.” san stops. he’s never been good at talking. the way they’d dealt with that was to decide that he was shy. and he’s been prompted over the years. can give halfway-to decent answers. but he’s never been eloquent. his thoughts are eclectic, choppy and worded awkwardly. but he tries to push past that. he’s been having to do it more and more lately, solo releases mean solo appearances on shows.

“i think those moments usually come from me knowing that i’m not doing as well as i could be. i come off a stage and i think ‘ah, i didn’t do that move right’ or ‘oh, that note was flat,’ and it…frustrates me. because i know i’m not showing my best self.” the interview nods, and placates him. words of how everyone makes mistakes, that nobody can be perfect. san’s always disliked that saying. maybe not, but shouldn’t he be striving for it? what else is there for him to do if not to keep pushing on toward the unattainable? a faraway, fleeting hope. if he breeches that peak maybe everything will fall into place. maybe he’ll enjoy his career, maybe his mother will decide to love him unconditionally. maybe he’ll stop hating his reflection, the feel of his body. maybe everything will make sense.

✨ if you weren’t an idol, what would you be doing now?

MAGAZINE INTERVIEW MEME.

         constellation !!  do  you  have  any  ambitions  or  personal  goals  for  the  future  ?  *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

         THIS  IS  A  QUERY  HE  has  to  tread  carefully.  all  too  familiar  are  the  words  of  rebuke,  the  way  people  would  sneer  at  him  for  (  apparently  )  thinking  that  he’s  better  than  everyone  else.  maybe  he  wasn’t  paying  attention  to  a  member  when  he  was  speaking,  or  he  rolled  his  eyes  while  cracking  his  neck.  maybe  his  v  lives  skew  a  bit  more  ‘  look  at  me,  look  at  what  i’m  working  on  !  ’  and  less  ‘  man,  i  love  you  guys  and  my  group  mates.  ’  but  that’s  not  what  he  feels  at  all  --------  honest  to  god.  any  ambitions  he  has  are  admittedly  self  -  centered,  but  at  the  core  of  it  all,  he  wants  to  better  himself  for  imperial.  (  right  ?  it’s  not  because  he’s  fragile  and  can’t  take  criticism;  everything  he’s  working  towards  is  so  that  his  group  gets  a  main  rapper  that  it  deserves  ...  right  ?   )

                in another place and time, she might have felt differently, but thinking                 along those lines was pointless now.                                                                                    — n. sparks                                                                       ★

( + detail your character doing a variety show appearance with @idxrmn. ) this is why she hated the entertainment industry---because they never fucking tell you anything in advance.

she should have said no, passed the television appearance onto a different member of cherry bomb!; she’s flattered, yes, that she had been the first one the production team approached, but still annoyed, nonetheless. in retrospect, she understands the logistics of such planning, of course, but what is so hard about, at least, relaying the names of the guests to each other? 

they’re all adults here, they’re all professionals; aren’t they well-aware at this point that that type of information is kind of crucial in this decision-making process?

and yet, kicks and screams she does not, no, when she steps foot inside the building where this week’s hello counselor would be recording, instead makes a straight beeline to her own dressing room before pausing for the briefest of seconds to grimace at the sign across the hall that proudly had ‘han roman’ scribbled on it.

fuck. she’s going to puke.

and the thought persists, obnoxiously so, into her getting her hair and make-up done (she swears her own reflection in the mirror is mocking her, shoving it in her face that it doesn’t have to deal with this dreaded situation like she does), into mic check, into filming even. she’ll admit, yes, that she’s in a daze---blurs out her surroundings, mutes anything and everyone within a fifteen-foot perimeter until she hears the call from the director and the shuffling of seats beside her in alert of a ten-minute break before resuming the recording.

it is then that she realizes that she’s been holding her breath this whole time. did they really have to sit him beside her? have the theme for the episode be surrounding that of relationships? maybe this is an act of god, she wonders, a punishment of some sorts for her past ways or past life or past ... mistakes.

she pinches herself, mentally slaps the palms of her hands against her cheeks in an attempt to wake the fuck up. get yourself together, hyera. her refusal of addressing him, even turning her head in the slightest to face him, is going to bite her in the ass after this, is going to do the complete opposite of what she desires for her image and reputation. your popularity’s at stake here. and she sighs, hates the part of her that knows those words are right---

the life of an idol is no nine to five job. siwoo’s fully aware of that—having been in the trade for a good eight years, which is why he drags himself out of his apartment at eight in the evening for a prearranged dinner with roman just for appearance’s sake. the fans still act like it’s some kind of miracle, after all, when they hang out even after years of being stuck together.

truth is, it’s not. it’s just some gathering between two business associates, and nothing more. (sorry to spoil your fun, honey!)

fast forward, and he’s sitting on the floor at roman’s place with more than enough food to feed two people in order to film the standard mukbang. and yet, siwoo knows he’ll make a huge show of pushing the food away and whining about a diet because the fans’ sympathy will fill him up anyway. 

siwoo on v-live dutifully plays his part as olympus’ moodmaker, bright grin in place with half of his body draped across roman’s lap. there are a bunch of things he could say that he knows will cause a buzz, including but not limited to:

i’ve really missed you, olympians! we just ended promotions but it feels like a lifetime since i’ve seen you. ( +1 CHARISMA )

ah, did you guys know roman hyung is my absolute favourite? that’s why i’m here today with him! ( +1 FANSERVICE )

oppa’s sad, i really want to see you again. but remember to take care of yourselves, okay! i’ll meet you in your dreams soon! ( +1 AEGYO )

see, easy. it’s a game he knows how to play.

here is also a list of things he cannot say that would also cause a buzz: 

i really couldn’t give less of a fuck about entertaining all you fools but you guys love me either way so it’s a win-win

well, so maybe not.

instead, he leans his head back on roman’s shoulder, practiced pout curling on his lips as he tugs on the elder’s sleeve. “hyung, i’m hungry. feed me?”