#idono

i'm sad and i want tsukki to hold me while we lay in bed and he's telling me about anything like. wanting to grow tomatoes or something. and i just listen and it's nice and soft because he loves me and i love him and

my grandpa died today and i don't know how to react to that but i feel weird in my stomach, im not like really really sad but i just feel kind of empty and that makes me feel weird in itself, i feel like as people get older they get less emotionally invested in things and i hate that because i feel like i dont care about things or people as much as i did when i was younger, death is weird and all it does is make me aware of my existence as a general idea and being aware of ones existence is a weird kinda pain that feels like someone scratching a chalkboard but it never ends and thats what i feel right now because i can't shake that feeling of being aware of my existence and mortality in general as an idea, why the fuck am i still here

I wonder if Karamatsu stares at his reflection all the time in the mirror because he thinks ‘at least you think im cool brother?’

Is it weird that I'm kinda anxious over the last drawing I will make this year