#idmina

on paper, this question should be the easiest. should be. but jinwoo learned long ago simple things aren’t exactly elementary (dear watson) but complicated and abstruse. 

so he palms damp hands down his thighs, lets his jeans soak condensation as he battles for a response, something relative to james. but that’s where it gets tricky. james is work, james is his career, james is the person he shrouds himself in when his feet touch the floor and sleep dissipates.

all james does is prepare for a comeback; it’s all he knows how to do. 

who is he when free time is a must? jinwoo struggles to voice an answer, any reply—any lie. it should be easy, why isn’t it easy. he can snatch deceit from thin air and twist it true, till it fits the image he wears. james is the best of both worlds—of jiwon and jinwoo. 

“i do tend to read quite a bit when i have nothing else going on. i have a list of books i want to finish by the end of the year. i’m halfway done.” maybe james likes stephen king or pestering yoojung about the stories she holds fondly (and he can listen to her until three am). “after please look after mom, i plan on reading the green mile. i saw the movie once when i was younger and liked it.” and he segues onto familiar territory. 

because while james exudes academia, jinwoo is simple. he likes movies, and the less he has to think, the better. “i also watch quite a few films here and there. i’m pretty normal.” he laughs to evoke some kind of parallel. “a lot of the times, i’m napping, too.” and a pinch of humour because why not. is he more likable funny. hopefully, so.

simple, he doesn’t.

but he can’t answer with the truth, can he. so a little white lie never hurts anyone. 

sitting up, jinwoo yields a smile, stiffens it until it’s not at all suspicious, not at all forced, but it is. and he just hopes it doesn’t show, and the person interviewing is too dazzled to notice. wishful thinking on his part. he’s done this too many times to not succeed. this act is every day. it’s like breathing, inevitable. 

when did jinwoo become such a gifted liar. since birth, perhaps. since his parents cloaked him in jiwon’s memory, and jinwoo is just a name. he doesn’t actually exist.

“i usually drink a lot of water and help myself to fruits or vegetables. i usually keep a bag of carrot sticks—” next to a bottle of advil but no one needs to know what else jinwoo carries. “—to re-energize when i’m running low on fuel.” and caffeine. too much to boast, and he can’t with his image on the line. 

right now, he’s james: immaculate. he promotes the healthy lifestyle he doesn’t live because facades are meant to preserve. and if anyone knows beyond face value, sees his dirty, little secrets, james is going to crumble. all that will be left is jinwoo, and jinwoo is far from likable. 

jinwoo is pain killers and espresso highs in depravity.

“to release stress, i do enjoy reading between schedules and while we’re preparing for our stage. i keep a book with me at all times. if i can, i read a chapter or two. it distracts—” wrong, try again. “—helps greatly! right now, please look after mom has kept me preoccupied. i highly recommend it.”