#idiotsatwork

Dear Sales Colleague,

Client management = you managing your client’s expectations. Client management =/= agreeing to everything your client says, then bypassing the project manager who informs you that things can’t be done cos you over-promised. 

Escalating issues to the management and getting them to force the PM to get things done =/= client management. 

On that note:

Dear Management,

Condoning such bypassing =/= staff management. It simply means you’re allowing your resources to get royally fucked up cos everyone can over-promise, and the PM will have to deliver anyway.

Two people came in to work the other night.  Even coming up to the front, I could tell they were higher than the moon.  When they finally stumbled through the front door, it was hilariously terrifying the level of stupidity they were at.  They could barely focus on anything and if they ever did is still a mystery to me.

No exaggeration, they literally stared at the menu for ten minutes, slack jawed and generally looking so stoned I was wondering if they were going to just drop in front of me.  If I ever saw the exact definition of “slack-jawed and stupid” this was it.  I was almost shocked they made it through the doors without running into them. 

The girl had a dead cigarette in her hand, having almost fallen to the ground in her quest to put it out before coming inside. She almost seems to forget about it as she sways her way across the floor to look at the menu.  Again, IF she can even focus on the words.  She has shadows under her eyes, and hair so oily it looked like she hadn’t showered in a few days.  Much like Kristen Stewart right now with the recent break up and all.  Her eyes were blood shot and her mouth never actually closed the whole time she was there, I think.

The man wasn’t much better off.  He didn’t sway like she did.  Opted to mostly stand still and just stare up at the menu as if he were seeing the most spectacular light show and couldn’t possibly tear his eyes away.  For all I know, he could have been.  Either way, he never actually seemed to make complete connections in his brain.  Made me wonder how he was even able to decide what he wanted to eat.  A picky cat could think faster about what it wanted than him at the moment.

It took me probably another five to ten minutes to walk them both through their orders.  As it cooked and I put it together, I watched the girl sway and stumble around, seemingly unable to stand still while the man still stared blankly at things.  I honestly started to wonder if they even registered anyone else was still there. 

When I finally got everything put together, it took almost another five minutes for them to get out the condiments they needed and get out the door.  As they walked/stumbled/swayed to their car, I was genuinely terrified for anyone who was on the road at the same time as them. 

Moral of the story?  You don’t look cool on drugs.  Honestly.  This was living proof for me that it kills brain cells and generally embarrasses you in front of anyone you will encounter.  You look worse than Kristen Stewart in the middle of a break down, act stupider than a gold fish, and probably eat more flies in your life time than someone who can actually close their mouth.

I don’t mean to insult anyone who does drugs.  I don’t care for them.  I don’t think anyone should do them.  But if you do?  Hide your keys first.  You’ll be too stupid to remember where they are and keep everyone on the roads much safer if you can’t find them.  With reflexes as slow as the two who came in the other night, you’ll never be able to avoid anything. 

And honestly?  You might be a lot skinnier if you didn’t do drugs.  Those two ordered way more than they needed for themselves, and I know it was for themselves because they put way too much thought into what it was they actually wanted.  Honestly?  I don’t think they knew.  I think they just ordered a few different things to make sure they at least got one thing they liked.