#iddongwoo

the smile on her face strains under the weight of this question, this great and terrible beast that looms in front of her. it darkens the horizon, spreads lead poison in her veins, leaves her vision darkening if she thinks of it for too long, that beast named “future.”she exhales a breath that shakes only slightly, shivering from tired lungs. not a death rattle, not yet - but almost, maybe. she’s on her last legs now, her time running out, living on borrowed luck and her own vicious determination. she boils over with it - with desire, with greed, with ambition. it shakes her down to her core. she needs this. “well, hopefully, five years into a successful career. a daesang or two would be nice,” she teases, taps at her lowerlip, feigns an expression of innocent thought before she shakes her head. “i want to be making music with them, i know that much. even if we aren’t her.oine anymore, even if we aren’t jawbreaker, whatever happens, i want to be making music. i want to give back all the love i can to the fans that have supported us in these hard times, who have stuck by us through all the uncertainty. as long as i can do that, i’ll be happy.”she exhales another breath, laughing slightly to try and lighten the suddenly heavy mood, but what was the interviewer thinking, dropping a bomb like that on a girl who’s future was entirely up in the air at this point, who’d been marketed off to another company like a slab of meat, who was facing a survival show to try and prove her worth for the thousandth, millionth time, it seemed. 

Now is the moment where Yena, internally, has to admit she doesn’t really spend that much time listening to current idol music. She’s ruled Honey right out - at no point in her career did she have the desire to release the parade of children’s songs they’re currently performing. The Nightmare unit and Cherry Bomb have interesting concepts but it’s not for her. Daydream is lacking in the vocal department as far as she’s concerned- there are no particular parts there she wishes she had been able to take for herself. She hums in exaggerated thought. “It’s hard to say! There are so many great songs out right now, all of the junior singers are amazing.” This is patently untrue but she’s got an image to uphold, after all. And besides, let them do what they like, it doesn’t bother her as long as she needn’t participate. “I’d like to have put out Spring Day.” she determines after a moment, playfulness written over her features as she does, “I mean it! I’d like to pick up some of those parts, there’s a beautiful emotional swell there that I think I’d carry off quite well. Of course, I’d need to adjust the range....and the dance....rather considerably. But what do you think, I think Heaven could manage the concept. We’d buy up some hoodies and have a time of it. And our darling rapper would really have her time to shine.” And fall flat on her face. Oops. If you read between the lines it becomes clear again Yena cares only for her own career, but after this long the feeling is largely mutual. Heaven won’t last forever. The interviewer makes a few silly jokes that attest to the fact this change in attire would probably make their fans rather sad and she represses the urge to roll her eyes. What if people appreciated them for their music, though? What a thought. “Just maybe,” she teases back, holds her fingers up to illustrate a small amount, eyes crinkling at the edges with her smile. “But they could manage. 

maybe not too many of the members will quit. maybe. san doesn’t know. “in five years, well, i think i’ll still be with olympus. i know that many of the fans are worried that our contracts are going to be coming up in a little bit, but i know that we’ve all talked about it here or there. we’re like a family. we want to stay together.” they haven’t, they aren’t, and they don’t. san couldn’t tell you the last time he’s talked to any of them about anything aside from work. “i think we’ll still be putting out music. but five years, i guess for me…i’ll be going into the army?” he guesses, pairs it with a smile. five years. it sounds painful long. how much thinner can he stretch himself? time will tell. a translucent looking boy.

the interview has been moving along well enough, but this question digs into her chest, a knife that slides between the ribs and twists. “of course there’s a difference,” she points out with a laugh, fingers feathering back through thin bangs as she takes a deep breath, tries to keep her head above the proverbial waters. she decides, perhaps due to her exhaustion lately, to express something genuine, something real. “sometimes i feel like there are two of me, you know? AJ is on stage. AJ is an idol, she’s....all the good parts, you know? it’s like that saying, put your best foot forward. AJ is me doing that, putting my best foot forward. being brave and charming and bright and as talented as i can possibly manage. when i’m on stage i feel like a better version of myself, i always have. in those four minutes of a song, or whatever, i can be...more than just jowi. more than just a person. with people cheering for us, with my members beside me, it feels like something...kind of magical. is that dumb?” she scrunches up her nose, laughs at her own expense. “AJ is the best of me. jowi is just....just me.”the interviewer pushes her at that, why doesn’t she consider sharing a little bit more about jowi? she was so willing to talk about AJ, about herself as an idol, on camera - why not talk about herself off camera too?  she steels herself, flashes a blinding smile. “so the thing about jowi is that.....when i’m jowi, i mostly just want to sleep and practice and watch tv. no one really wants to watch me take four naps a day, or like, eat steamed chicken breasts because i’m on a diet or something. that’s not exciting. AJ is more exciting, its like, i save up all the fun and funny and interesting parts of myself for when the cameras turn on. so what’s the point in talking about jowi that much?” after all, jowi doesn’t matter. she never did.

— answered here!

         at  this  point  in  his  career,  though,  he’s  more  a  lyricist  than  a  performer.  he’s  not  a  terrible  rapper  or  vocalist  by  any  means,  but  for  all  his  practice,  he’s  more  of  an  artist  than  a  pure  idol.  he  sincerely  doubts  this  is  a  change  99  approves  of.  it’s  not  like  he  can  just  go  back,  though.

( + answered here. )