#id.kcon

EVENT 03 | FROM 08.01 TO 08.26

For the first overseas event, we’re sending everyone to LA in order to participate in the exciting, ever iconic, K-Con Festival! There will be participation from both trainees, produce project contestants, and all debuted idols so rest assured everyone can participate! However, as always, there are some rules and further information below the cut. 

starter for @idaroon kcon, sunday, after “pick me!” stages

some quiet, tired part of eunju worries that she’ll know the routine to pick me! for as long as she lives. she’ll be old and gray and swishing her hips and kicking her feet while her children’s children wonder why they haven’t put her in a home yet. the song is annoying to sing and only slightly more bearable to hear but she’s come to like it, has no choice when it’s the trademark song of all of produce project’s female trainees. even that’s kind of bittersweet - being involved in something like this, a survival show with no guarantee of success, even moving up as high and as quickly as she has in the ranks, even that comes with its own set of stresses.

the goal is to debut - really, actually debut with something she can call her own, something she can feel implicit in, picked for based on merit - talent.

it’s kind of surreal to her that trainees she was practicing alongside not-so-long ago are living that dream - aroon included. she feels the slightest bit left behind. it’s silly, though, they haven’t even known each other for all that long but he’s become a pertinent part of her process - a touch of normality and routine that makes her feel justified and inspired to do better in the little things, to tighten up her shapes and never settle for good enough. the produce project was full of plenty of other trainees who worked hard in their own right but it’d be different. she's nothing if not a bleeding heart and it makes her a little sad to think that this would be the last time the two of them would be able to level this way - likely the last time she’d see him again for a long time bar the party, if that. she's proud of him, though; knows through watching and listening and all other facets that he deserves this victory.

@ideunju​ on sunday, kcon, prior to produce performance. 

jowi has been groomed, from birth, to fight tooth and nail for attention that is never given to her. to claw desperately after affection that always, endlessly, went to her elder sister instead. there was no goal she could reach, no award she could win, nothing that allowed her the momentary respite of the affection of her only parent. 

becoming a trainee didn’t do it. lasting in the trainee process after her sister dropped didn’t do it. debut didn’t do it. their first win didn’t. nor their next. her cf deals, her castings, nothing. the most contact she’s had from them in years has been one phone call to ask for money. 

and she’d given it to them. 

because that’s what the industry has done to her. taken a bright and earnest and hopeful girl and taken everything. her autonomy, her body, her health, her heart. 

so when she sees eunju coming so close to entering the industry for real, she has mixed feelings. the bright eyed girl has what it takes to succeed, or what it should take, if one could guarantee those kinds of things. she’s got a good look to her, a fun vibe. she has energy and charm. she’s going to be a standout - or she could be, if luck breaks right. but getting there is the part that worries jowi. with what the company has put her through, with what the industry has done to her, she can’t help but want to guard eunju from it. as if that were at all possible. as if eunju isn’t a grown woman capable of weighing the risks and costs. 

of course to warn eunju properly would mean admitting what’s happening to her. admitting coercion, admitting force. admitting her own lack of control. and jowi isn’t ready for that, still hiding from the truth by clinging to veils - i chose this, i sold myself, i agreed. as if there was any choice. as if there ever is. 

with @idtaekjo at kcon, sunday, after pick me stages

before they traveled to LA management pulled aroon to the side, told him that he looked sick, fragile in not a good way ( those were the words they used, not in a good way, as if there is a good way to look sick ) and they thought it was for the better to take him from produce. they got what they wanted from it anyway, exposition for titanium and for aroon himself and his ranking excelled all expectations, he was on a comfortable place for the time being.

so he arrives the venue on sunday knowing that his fate is sealed and there is nothing he can do about it: aroon banthao is leaving the competition. it’s good, they say, so he can focus on titanium, where his future lies in long term plans. debuting with the group and promoting twice would be too much and it wouldn’t be good for him, for them.

he is a shiny new toy, he can’t be damaged for now.

nayana still echoes through his mind as he takes some time to reflect about the road so far. there is a lot going on through his mind and aroon prefers not to dwell on it, better to just do whatever he is told. 

it’s not like he wants to have his little introspective moment just as taekjo shows up, it happens. and sure, he has had other moments while staring at the older trainee but it’s because taekjo is always on his line of vision. in some way aroon is drawn to him, but it’s difficult to ignore someone who looks like that, who makes that awful uniform look good.

aroon looks like a goddamn high schooler next to him.

with @idmyungeun at kcon day two, before the day’s performances

jiyeon should feel honored that she is performing on both days of event, she really should. she couldn’t imagine in her wildest dreams that one day fantasy would be popular enough to be in such high demand, but now that they tasted a bit more of the success they have been chasing for the good part of the last two years she already feels tired. maybe it’s because she comes from a busy month with preparing for the comeback and her own drama filming, but all she wanted was to relax a bit.

which is exactly what she doesn’t get because no one is keeping that success if they don’t work twice as hard now, make sure to strike while the iron is hot. so jiyeon arrives at the venue the second day tired and ready to perform and leave. maybe she already is too old for all this shit.

she wanders from her members, walking backstage to take a look at who she can find there – it’s not like she is expecting to find anyone in particular, of course not, no way – when she comes across a girl asleep. it’s not something she hasn’t seen before, everyone she knows has already taken a nap backstage. they all have packed schedules, being an idol means you have to learn how to fall sleep anywhere at anytime, maximize your sleep time.

but the girl shouldn’t be sleeping here in the open where anyone can walk and see her like this. jiyeon searches her brain to try and remember who she is, and after examining every memory of the other groups she is sure the girl is not a member, but her face is familiar. maybe a trainee on produce project? probably that.

@idjaehyun, kcon, saturday after the performances have wrapped ( event )

lately, san’s been drifting. it’s a listless thing. lost in schedules, and no anchor to tie him down. he just drifts higher. almost out of reach, mind fraying near the edges. it could be due to olympus’ latest promotional run. san’s schedule has been completely packed for months now. and he hasn’t been all too happy with his styling. keeps jamming on hats, hoods, hiding himself away like he might be able to disappear. fade out from a boy and into a ghost. and things have been bad with jaewon lately, again. picking up right where they left off a good year or more ago. like he had never stopped to begin with.

san still has the weight of their conversation on him from earlier. it presses at his shoulders, makes him want to collapse. he’s learned to face jaewon over the years, but that doesn’t diminish the genuine fear that sparks up whenever they end up at odds with each other, descend into confrontation. and then there’s the fact that san’s developed a very bad habit of turning jaehyun into an anchor. something to keep him grounded. usually that’s fine. he’s been a constant presence in san’s life from the moment they ended up shoulder to shoulder in the hallways of midas. san’s throat raw, jaehyun’s hands gentle. 

but then titanium had debuted. then jaehyun had disappeared. a one-two hit and it left san stumbling into something depressive. anxiety festering underneath his skin like an old wound. a couple of messages stacked up in their kakao chat. all of them read. all of them unanswered.  it’s not fair for san to be worrying about it. he’s done it to jaehyun more than once. has done it to a great many people more than once. san’s specialty, after all, is running. running and then changing his mind, storming the castle walls once again. fire and ice, without much middle ground to spare.

he knows it’s disorienting. knows that putting up with him can be a struggle. still, jaehyun always has. and san’s not quite sure what he’s gone and done. if it has to do with titanium. if it has to do with olympus. if it has to do with jaehyun finally figuring out that there’s not much besides false promises and flaking gold to midas’ self-proclaimed golden boy. 

san’s so strung out, so desperate and wrapped up in anxiety over the whole situation, that when he finally spots jaehyun he pushes his way up to him, reaches out to grab at the other’s wrist, pulls his attention. “hey. hyung? can we talk?” san presses his lips together, shoots jaehyun a look. the kind that reads stubborn, despite the paranoia lurking just behind it. the kind of expression that means he won’t take no for an answer without kicking up a fuss. he tugs, once, an attempt to get jaehyun to pull himself away from the rest of his group, managers, to follow him toward somewhere a little more secluded.

starter for @idmyungeun kcon day 2, hotel, post-fanmeeting

“i - honestly have no idea where i’m gonna put all this stuff?” eunju laments, arms wrapped impractically around a sweetly signed and decorated gift bag she’d received with a gift inside that had subsequently been used to stuff in the rest of the wealth she’d received during the fanmeet earlier. she’d kind of underestimated her own popularity - she’d expected high-fives and warm-but-generic phrases said in broken korean or simple english, but had received so much more than her heart could handle. she wasn’t even entirely sure how any of them, so many of them, knew about her love for sailor moon, how they’d even known to bring her sailor mars plushies and paraphernalia, her favorite. she doesn’t remember mentioning it on the show but, then again, there’s no telling the things she’s probably said when she’s forgotten the cameras were rolling. her favorite gift had been a sailor senshi tiara placed atop what had to have been the cutest bunny plush she’d ever seen - she’d worn it for what had remained of the small fanmeeting, thrilled about it.

among the more thought-driven gifts, there was also an abundance of snacks: she’d gotten an amass of twizzlers, wildberry poptarts and sour patch kids between sweet but strange requests to squeeze her cheeks. this - if it lasted - would be an adjustment, that much had become apparent, but that was fine. the real dilemma arose in the question of where she’d put it all.

she’d only packed enough for a day and a half, hadn’t really considered she’d be bringing back much more than souvenirs, still really hoped there’d be gift bags at the party.

there was also a solution in the fact that they were all on strict diets and would likely be expected to throw the goodies out before they boarded anyway but, well. where’s the fun in that?

@idhwarin // kcon, day one, ca. 8:00am

despite years of traveling across borders and oceans, hwanhee’s never gotten used to flying. he supposed everything would’ve been fine if they were flying off to a country close by — where the flight time is only an hour or two (three, at most) and the timezone doesn’t interfere with the minimal amount of sleep he already gets.

he barely got any sleep on the plane — waking up every time the temperature rose and dropped; tossing and turning due to the lack of room in his space. but he rests quite well on his way to the hotel (if one considers bumping his head on the car’s window every half hour due to all the sharp curves a good rest. though, the car ride was much more bearable than the flight, in his opinion).

hwanhee throws his luggage into his room. he doesn’t spare a second glance since he decides that he can clean that up later, when he has time and energy. but right now, he desperately needs a spike of caffeine to keep him sane and conscious, even if it is for a short period of time. he remembers hearing about a cafe within the hotel and, while the bed beckons him to lay down, he heads to look for coffee instead. after all, he can catch a nap in between rehearsals.

even though he wants to go faster, his grogginess prevents him and he finds himself in the lobby, listlessly wandering the place until a light tap on his shoulder (somewhat) wakes him.

when he turns, it’s an elderly couple looking up at him. he tilts his head to the side as he wonders if these people are just an image his sleep deprived mind had whipped up. but hwanhee realizes that they are incredibly real when he hears them talk, and he’s fully conscious when they do. obviously, they’re saying something but he’s not sure what it is — the words go in one ear and out the other, like they’re speaking a language completely foreign to mankind. but they aren’t. they’re speaking a language that could be learned, a language that’s teachable, and something hwanhee has absolutely no expertise on – but he filters the words he does know: breakfast and key.