#iamlying-infected

Even with the independence I have now.

It's been a while since I've been me &' I'm confused about this new behavior of myself.

I don't know her, to me she's a total stranger.

I'm not sure if I'm the mentally strong girl or the emotionally unavailable one.

I lost the passion I had in this life.

I lost my communication skills.

I lost the extroverted side.

I gained depression and sadness that I carry all day long.

I gained a love for the solitude.

I gained an introverted side that wants nothing but to hide from this world in her cozy room.

To me nothing makes sense anymore.

Even the simplest act of living isn't bothering me.

I've been fighting the last weeks to keep me as stable as possible but I feel the tiredness &' as weak as this sounds I wish I could fall apart, I wish I could cry, I wish I could break so I can heal and stand up again.

I wish I could take this pause from life, but I can't.

The spiritual side of me is the only thing that keeps me alive.

Believing no matter what circumstances I'm in and hoping for the best even if everything around me is telling me the opposite.

My mind even my heart refuses the request of my soul.

They refuse to see me this weak, so they keep me going, they keep me fighting all my demons no matter how tired and weak I'm.

how do I manage not to tell her that I already talked to him &' that in fact he poured out his soul to me yet I ended the call with him just to answer her incoming call &' her non-stop questions.

by what means can I explain that he feels comfortable talking to me because after all these years he's still in love with me. even though he received so many rejection, he still sees me as the anchor he'd always hold on to.

how do I answer when she tells me that I'm the nearst one to his heart &' that he only mentions my name with the most beautiful words.

how should I feel when even after all of this I still feel nothing but rejection towards him.