#i... sad

warnings: death, injury, angst, referenced depression and trauma

x

Elias held onto Ephemer’s hand as long as they could.

They almost lost hold of him a few times in the rush, in looking around in shock and wonder as the very world glitch around them. The sky seemed to be falling apart at the seams. Elias still felt that gut-wrenching dread, a sickness that reminded them of facing off with old friends, of being attacked by their elders.

Funny how it all only seemed real now, when those memories were all but inaccessible and the entire world was once again on fire. How it only now occurred to them that they were very, very young to have experienced so much war and terror.

Ephemer’s hand on theirs was an anchor, keeping them from getting overwhelmed as he hauled them down the cobblestone roads to the center of town. Elias could see from here how much worse it was around the tower. There were Heartless crawling all over it, too - it could take hours to fight through that many.

There was a flash of movement in the corner of Elias’ vision, a blur of dark-blue and pink waving a keyblade at one of the stray Heartless on the roads. Elias’ spirits soared, partly because having Skuld at their side would make the coming fight that much easier, but mostly because they were very, very glad to see her alive.

Ephemer’s full-tilt run sputtered to a stop as he saw her as well, waving his keyblade-hand with a relieved smile. “Skuld! You’re okay!”

Skuld killed the Heartless and grinned back at the other two, looking just as grateful to see them. “I knew I’d run into you two. Come on, let’s get up there and check on the others.”

The others - the Union leaders. Elias wasn’t a part of their group, not even really part of the Dandelions at all. They were here because they were Ephemer and Skuld’s friend; not because they were a leader, or a hero, or even one of the team. Their Union was dead. Their friends were dead. They were a remnant, a leftover, a lost kid who was supposed to be killed alongside everyone else.

And yet here they were, running, their keyblade not even out yet as they just tagged along with their friends. They couldn’t stop running.

x

It was an easy decision, really. As soon as Elias really processed what the Darknesses had said - which they’d done quickly, hanging on to every word - they knew what to do. Only one thing mattered right now; making sure Ephemer and Skuld were safe.

Elias mimicked the Darknesses’ eerie chuckle as well as they could and raised their keyblade. The hard part would be not breaking character, but their friends wouldn’t risk killing them if they didn’t buy it.

And their friends would have to kill them - if there were time for hesitation, that would’ve been what stalled them, knowing they were about to put their friends through the same horror they’d been through. But they’d be alive, and there was no time for anything else.

Elias lashed at Skuld, trying their best to make it real without hurting her too much. She was too surprised to stop them, and the pain that flashed across her face was too much to bear.

Ephemer leaned forward on his knees, reaching for her, for them. “Elias, stop!” He had to know it was pointless, but Elias almost did stop; they’d do anything for him.

Right now, that meant pointing the end of their keyblade at him.

Ephemer was crying. Had they ever seen him cry before? If only they could pause this scene, run over and wipe his tears away, give Skuld a big hug, whisper to them that they were sorry and everything would be okay, and then take up their keyblade again for the finale.

But there was no time for goodbye. Ephemer saw that they weren’t going to stop, slowly stalking towards him (all emotion as buried as they could manage, hanging on by a thread) and tearfully raised his blade.

“I’m sorry.”

Elias raised their key as if to strike again.

“I’m so sorry, Elias.”

He sent a white-hot beam of light straight through their heart.

As they flew back, their limbs splaying, Elias caught a breath of relief, almost a laugh. It hurt - of course it hurt - but it hurt a lot less than pretending, than not being able to comfort their friends. They hoped this was love enough to repay them, that saving them now would even the score.

They got a last, blurry look at their friends - Skuld horrified, with her hands over her mouth and an angry welt across her arm that Elias would give anything to kiss, to apologize for. Ephemer - lost. He watched helplessly as Elias fell back into the portal he’d opened, flanked by eager columns of Darkness.

In the last second, Elias brought their hand to touch their chin and then moved it forward, though whether their friends saw it they couldn’t know. Emptiness swallowed them whole.

x

They woke in a tunnel, stiff and in pain, to the murmuring of Darkness. They sat up, laughing almost silently. Every one of the Darknesses stared at them, their blank confusion making Elias laugh harder. They stood, lifted their keyblade in both hands, and sealed themself and the Darkness in this tunnel for good.

What are you doing? the Darkness demanded in their mind.

“There.” They turned to the human-sized voids, now their only companions. “Now none of us are going anywhere.”

The Darknesses were silent for a moment, then began clamoring noisily again, arguing amongst themselves or demanding that Elias turn this wormhole around right now, young wielder! Elias managed one more dry chuckle as they half-sat, half-collapsed on the ground, their hands covering their ears and eyes closing until everything faded again.

x

Skuld sniffled. Her usually tough look was now blank and miserable as she settled into the pod. She wiped uselessly at her wet face as Ephemer helped her strap in, letting her rest her injured arm. “Thank you, Ephemer.”

Ephemer nodded but stayed silent as he climbed in next to her, his still-shaking hands having a hard time with his own security straps.

“Really, Eph, thank you. I’m... I’m glad I wasn’t alone.”

Ephemer froze. Everything around them was shaking, but for a moment all he could see was Elias. They were alone. When they needed him most, he’d let them down again.

Skuld reached over and grabbed his hand. When he looked at her, she gave him a small, watery smile, showing him once again why she was the bravest person he knew. “It’s okay,” she whispered.

They held hands for just another second, silently promising to see each other soon, and then they separated and lowered their glass shields.

x

Everything was light.

Elias didn’t know what they’d expected when they died. Maybe the Keyblade War on repeat. Maybe nothing. Certainly not a warm, empty, but somehow claustrophobic expanse of white light.

They couldn’t complain, though - the pain in their chest was gone, and instead their Chirithy was curled up in their arms, warm and purring against them. Elias squeezed them tight, crying. “I’m so sorry,” they whispered.

Chirithy snuggled their shoulder. “Don’t be sorry, Elias. What you did for your friends was brave. And now you can rest - the Darkness and pain can’t get you anymore.”

Knowing they’d saved their friends was comforting, and so was having Chirithy with them, but the idea of rest, of death, felt hollow. Elias had been so tired for so long, and yet now that they were here... all I want is more.

“I don’t want to go to sleep,” they said, their throat suddenly thick.

“Shh,” Chirithy soothed. “I’ll look after you. Sleep isn’t scary, I promise. It’s only right now that’s scary, but I’ll keep you safe.”

Elias buried their face in Chirithy’s fur, blocking out the light with unseeing darkness. They felt childish, but if ever there was a time they were allowed to be it was now. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

Chirithy was quiet for a second, just purring next to Elias’ heart, trying to keep them calm. After a moment, they sat up in Elias’ arms, gently coaxing them to meet Chirithy’s eyes. “You don’t have to go to sleep, Elias, but you can’t return to the world of the living from here.”

Elias wiped their face. “What’s the other option?”

The Chirithy’s ears twitched. “If you stay here and don’t sleep, you could dissolve into a new heart. You wouldn’t remember, but a part of you would be in a new life.”

The word ‘dissolve’ made Elias shudder, and as they contemplated this idea the emptiness around them seemed to shudder too. They got flashes of feelings and thoughts, a bit like their fragmented memories as they’d begun to come back, but even more distant. Curiosity, joy, love, anger - and most of all, terrible pain.

It was frightening, even without any sort of context to these feelings. But Elias had been through great pain before, and against all odds they’d survived till now. Maybe this was as close as they’d get to a third chance. Maybe this time they’d get to live past sixteen.

I just want more.