#i-scribbled

And the really bunk thing about this is that I get myself even more down for feeling bad about feeling bad. I get down on myself for being sad about dumb stuff and being hurt too easily by the careless words of others, and I feel like I shouldn't get myself down about it, but I can't help it.

I worry that I wont ever really be happy. I worry that my friend wont ever be happy, and he has more reason than I do to be unhappy.

I want to hug him tight and take away all of his pain.

I'm really worried about him, and I wish I could go to the same school as him so there might be a one in a thousand chance that I'd see him more.

I get this lonely feeling that takes over my whole being sometimes. It physically hurts me and makes me feel sick to my stomach and it gives me headaches and I hate it. I hate it because I have friends and family that will support me and I'm barely ever alone at all, but I still get this unbearable feeling of loneliness that rips me apart from the inside and hurts me and makes me want to push everyone away and bring them all closer at the same time and it hurts so much.

I don't understand myself. I don't like myself. I'm not attractive and nobody will ever love me, even though I guess people already do.

My friend. That friend that I was talking about. He's making me laugh even though he's depressed.

I really do love him.

That hurts, too, but not nearly as much.

I'm gonna go now.