#i'mreallysorry

Like- my mental illnesses are actually what make me feel shit half the time, otherwise, it’s probably my only real friends(I probably have around two or three of those)...since I hardly ever feel happy...you see, I don’t even get hyper off of sweets. That’s how bad it is. Alchohol eases the pain a little, but I don’t drink much. I really only have sudden moments of craziness when I’m tired because I can’t process what’s going on around me...and I feel very giddy, carefree.

But.....you know...we still don’t know what’s wrong with me. The only things I am positive that I have are anxiety, and social anxiety. People tell me I probably have mild depression too, but I still think it’s worse than that. I’m not normal, I’ve attempted to kill in my early years, even when I was nine, which is fairly recent. I’ve hurt people, but no one seems to listen when I tell them- “There’s something much worse going on with me than what you think.”. My mum thinks I have ADHD. My old psychologist said that I may have mild depression, and so did my gran. I still haven’t told some them what I’ve done, what my thoughts are like every day.

They focus on death, whether it be mine or someone else’s. They seem to focus on pain, also. It’s like I can’t live a single minute of my life without thinking that- ‘I should die.’ or- ‘That person just there seems to be weak, vulnerable, and it’s pissing me off...’, and I hate it. Almost straight after thinking shit like the second thing, I think- ‘No. Stop it.’, because I just...ugh. I don’t like that side of me. All three sides of me are...questionable. I have the sadistic and twisted side, the pain-loving masochistic side, and the somewhat ‘normal’ side, the one that puts me down, who has anxiety. The one that falls in love, the one that can feel slight happiness. The pacifist.

I WENT TOO FAR AGAIN FUCK- BUT UH- HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW A REALLY MENTALLY FUCKED UP PERSON HMMHM?? THIS IS THE MOST I’VE CONFESSED IN MY WHOLE LIFE--

Trước khi mình đi vào một cuộc cãi vã nào đó,trong người anh luôn luôn có hai ý nghĩ : một nửa của anh muốn gồng lên, háo thắng,muốn cãi với em tới cùng.nửa còn lại chỉ muốn mềm đi,chịu mọi lời em nói và nhìn lại bản thân mình có tốt hay không.