#i'm sensitive!

Here's all I've learned about writing on the Internet for twenty years: a facetious, whimsical person on the internet is exactly like being a known pedophile in prison. I mean, I haven't been shivved in the shower and kicked until all my ribs were broken before having my skull fractured by a club made out of the metal edge of a cot. But metaphorically, I've experienced it! Maybe I'm being too facetious and whimsical in my hyperbole by choosing that metaphor! Maybe it's a little more like poking a wasp's nest with a tape recorder that says "Cassandra Cain and Stephanie Brown are nobodies!" until I'm covered in wasps that can't actually sting but can manage to vocalize the phrase "Kill yourself!" It's my own fault, really! I should know that having a silly laugh over the status of a fictional character is apparently equitable to telling a real life person to end their existence. It's completely deserved! I mean, I could have not captioned the cover the way I did! I had that choice! And by choosing to crack myself up and go with that caption, I must be choosing to be inundated with vitriol and hate! Logic! No, seriously! That wasn't sarcastic! I totally get the logic of the Internet. No matter what my intent in writing this, or who I might imagine I'm speaking to (generally nobody in particular, but quite often to Doom Bunny because he's the one I've been trying to make laugh since the beginning (even if he rarely reads the blog anymore because he has kids and he drinks (was that redundant?))), choosing to put it on the Internet turns it into a dialogue. It's a weird kind of dialogue though because I'm an individual speaking in general terms about things I might feel or, as in most cases, don't feel but find funny for some reason or another. But individuals reading something I've written see themselves as the target audience and can be personally offended by something I've written. Obviously it's not personal because I wasn't directing anything at them. But this is how things work. And when they respond, it's absolutely personal because they know they are responding to an individual. So when I say "All dog owners can go jump in a lake!", a dog owner reading this might respond with "Oh yeah, Tess? Why don't YOU go jump in a lake!" See how it works? My statement wasn't a personal attack on any individual dog owner. It was just a general statement caused by something I may have been feeling earlier, like fear when a big ass growling dog came running up to me and the owner was yelling, "Don't worry! He doesn't bite!" You know who I know won't bite me? A fucking dog in your control on a leash not able to get anywhere near me, you asshole. So now I've expressed something to the world in general terms but which certain individuals might consider is directed at them. Like, you know, people who own dogs. But when they tell me to jump in a lake, that's hurtful! Because it's a personal expression of animosity toward an individual! So cruel! Although if you do take offense at my statement even after the explanation of why I think dog owners should jump in a lake then maybe it is directed at you because you're being awfully defensive. Are you the type of asshole that lets their dog run around off-leash and then half-heartedly calls it's name when it runs off to bug a stranger? So, in a way, when you lash back out at me, I just sit back and smile and think, "Oh look! I just said somebody was an asshole for doing a certain thing and you were upset by that. Which means you must do that thing and, therefore, are an asshole!" Logic! Although what I'm really trying to say is don't be mean to me no matter how mean I am to anybody else because I can't take it and will probably abandon this blog completely at the first sign of animosity and hate.

what'd you say/he reply?