#i collapse

As I said before ; sort of

The blame’s gotta rest somewhere

The blame for the deeds done

And I’m not able to place it on the ‘doers’

So I decided early I’d be the one

Because it’s gotta rest

The blame on someone’s gotta be

And for the monumental damage, I saw the others couldn’t take it

So I directed all the blame back at me

It’s sorta fair

Coz I was there

The others can’t, won’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t take it

So I guess I decided I would bear it

But the thing is, I’ve come to realise I can’t bear it

I’m collapsing under the colossal weight

I’m being crushed, destroyed, I can see my body break

And all I can muster in it all is hate

For myself

I guess I looked

And no one acknowledged what was done

I didn’t get a sorry; I had to plastic smile it

My feelings froze into solid stone

Recorded message ‘I’m ok’

Recorded sweetly ‘I’m fine today’

Made to do it so no one would have to say

We need to help, they could all walk away

They could flick me off; they didn’t have to stay

So to protect others

I sacrificed myself

It was my only choice

There was nobody else

So I guess I felt somewhere in my head

I really must deserve everything I get

It’s the only answer that in my reality works

Everyone else left in silence when they could see that I was hurt

The truth is, none of them could see

Blind my mother, my father, the government, my husband, my ‘friends’, ‘society’

So I decided maladaptively to take ‘the fall’

And as I said I’m almost completely crushed by it all

Against my will in my distress, I whimper a silent call

For help, even though I know all the blind and deaf have gone

Fading fast as I metaphorically slip towards the floor

No one really cares and I can’t hold onto any more

And I realised yesterday

That I learned so long ago

That when I can’t take any more; I

collapse

But because of the situation I’ve described

I continue to stand

I was encouraged, ..there is no other plan